MARCO.You up for a game of golf

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Apr 10, 2015 10:00 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:Sorry for the delay......, Douwe pi$$ed off in a terrible huff because the ice cream van had no coffee flavoured ice cream. He's just arrived back driving a golf Carte D'or loaded with the stuff. Seems a bit hyper.

3rd shot....., (or 4th shot as I had to take a drop....., just outside the greenhouse made of glass).
"Right, Douwe...., Club please."
"I have a Cadburys Flake. Will that do?"
:roll:

Ok, here goes. 7 iron........., SSSHMACK!
Looking good........, Oh no...., slow up, slow down, COME DOWN....., SMASH!

Think its smashed a window in old Maxwell's House. If he's looking for me, tell him I'm off in the Carte D'or with Douwe Egberts getting a Nescafe.
think you got away with that one mate, 2 sugars in my Nescafe if your buying, i'll be where this little ol white ball lands. Smackkkkkkkkk; OK,,ill be 10ft over there.,

be careful in that Coffee Shop, its full of weirdo's
don't laugh Marco I got talking to this strange fella in there once he said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," all I said was "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?" and he went berserk,
LOL @ the part in bold.

And laughing my a$$ off at the spoon joke! :lol: :lol: :lol: Why have I never heard that one before! Brilliant. My son will appreciate that one at Easter Road on Sunday. :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:47 pm

thanks for the coffee Marco. I'm still the furthest from the hole so I will take my next shot OK.

WACK, what an incredible shot. I bet if I took that shot another 100 times I could never do that again. there cant be many golfers out there who could do that,
the big question is, do I lose a shot if I lift the ball out of that coffee cup or should I play the ball still in the cup. decisions decisions. :?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:16 pm

So...... You need to take your shot, from the coffee ? And NOT the tea? I'm confused! (Not just about golf by the way, just confused in general really!)

Ok, while you are contemplating that, I'll head over to Maxwells house and see if there are any Mellow birds there; Minshkama is hyperactive at the moment.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:40 pm

marko69 wrote:So...... You need to take your shot, from the coffee ? And NOT the tea? I'm confused! (Not just about golf by the way, just confused in general really!)

Ok, while you are contemplating that, I'll head over to Maxwells house and see if there are any Mellow birds there; Minshkama is hyperactive at the moment.

agree,,there's more to this game than we realised aye, but I'm gonna leave the ball in the cup so I don't lose a shot.
Wack. well its on the green but still in the cup. only problem I can see is the cup is bigger that the hole.

your shot sir.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:24 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:So...... You need to take your shot, from the coffee ? And NOT the tea? I'm confused! (Not just about golf by the way, just confused in general really!)

Ok, while you are contemplating that, I'll head over to Maxwells house and see if there are any Mellow birds there; Minshkama is hyperactive at the moment.

agree,,there's more to this game than we realised aye, but I'm gonna leave the ball in the cup so I don't lose a shot.
Wack. well its on the green but still in the cup. only problem I can see is the cup is bigger that the hole.

your shot sir.
So......., nothing resembling ITFC or Wolves on this golf course then?

I think you are going to have some trouble taking your next shot, mate. The club parrot, Polly has just nicked the cup. I'll try and get it back......, "POLLY......, POLLY-STYRENE, GET BACK HERE WITH THAT CUP."

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Apr 23, 2015 9:03 pm

marko69 wrote:
goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:So...... You need to take your shot, from the coffee ? And NOT the tea? I'm confused! (Not just about golf by the way, just confused in general really!)

Ok, while you are contemplating that, I'll head over to Maxwells house and see if there are any Mellow birds there; Minshkama is hyperactive at the moment.

agree,,there's more to this game than we realised aye, but I'm gonna leave the ball in the cup so I don't lose a shot.
Wack. well its on the green but still in the cup. only problem I can see is the cup is bigger that the hole.

your shot sir.
So......., nothing resembling ITFC or Wolves on this golf course then?

I think you are going to have some trouble taking your next shot, mate. The club parrot, Polly has just nicked the cup. I'll try and get it back......, "POLLY......, POLLY-STYRENE, GET BACK HERE WITH THAT CUP."
I have this cunning plan Marco. Parrots like peanuts don't they. right the cunning plan is we put a load of peanuts in the hole, the parrot smells the peanuts and heads for the hole to investigate, you still with me on this cunning plan. the parrot with the golf ball still in the cup looks into the hole. I am ready with my putter and smacks the parrot on the head and it drops the ball into the hole.
can you see any problems Marco. apart from have we got any peanuts.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed May 27, 2015 1:28 pm

goldandblack wrote:I am ready with my putter
Will this be your peanut putter?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed May 27, 2015 2:04 pm

marko69 wrote:
goldandblack wrote:I am ready with my putter
Will this be your peanut putter?
did you hear.
One day two peanuts, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured peanut called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured peanut was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured peanut, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life". :lol:

well I sank that shot Marco, you need to get your shot down in another 2 shots to level this hole. GOOD LUCK.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed May 27, 2015 9:28 pm

Right, I'll need to get my own clubs, Minshkana is stuck in Vienna after singing for Iceland in the Eurovision. I told her that her song about frozen food would be sh*t.

Clubs retrieved from Maxwells house. Tried to tell me he'd sold them to some Colombian Rich guy but I knew he was full of his usual coffee wind.

Shot chipped, and oh dear, wind assisted...... Ten feet past the hole.

Dodgy ten footer slightly downhill. Peanut Putter out...... Tap..... It's speeding up, SLOW DOWN BALL........, it's off the green. FFS.

Shot chipped, and oh dear, wind assisted...... Ten feet past the hole.

Dodgy ten footer slightly downhill. Peanut Putter out...... Tap..... It's speeding up, SLOW DOWN BALL........, it's off the green. FFS

Shot chipped, and oh dear, wind assisted...... Ten feet past the hole.





This could go on a while, mate.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed May 27, 2015 9:32 pm

marko69 wrote:Right, I'll need to get my own clubs, Minshkana is stuck in Vienna after singing for Iceland in the Eurovision. I told her that her song about frozen food would be sh*t.

Clubs retrieved from Maxwells house. Tried to tell me he'd sold them to some Colombian Rich guy but I knew he was full of his usual coffee wind.

Shot chipped, and oh dear, wind assisted...... Ten feet past the hole.

Dodgy ten footer slightly downhill. Peanut Putter out...... Tap..... It's speeding up, SLOW DOWN BALL........, it's off the green. FFS.

Shot chipped, and oh dear, wind assisted...... Ten feet past the hole.

Dodgy ten footer slightly downhill. Peanut Putter out...... Tap..... It's speeding up, SLOW DOWN BALL........, it's off the green. FFS

Shot chipped, and oh dear, wind assisted...... Ten feet past the hole.





This could go on a while, mate.

I think your standing slightly wrong there if you don't mind a bit of advice Marco, you should be standing in the Rose and Crown bar over there, :lol: :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed May 27, 2015 9:39 pm

I think I'll need to go do some sitting in the Rose & Crown first ......, all this coffee is going right through and trying to get out the other end!

Something light for me, mate while we're here...... Pint o' Lager Tops! Cheers.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed May 27, 2015 9:49 pm

marko69 wrote:I think I'll need to go do some sitting in the Rose & Crown first ......, all this coffee is going right through and trying to get out the other end!

Something light for me, mate while we're here...... Pint o' Lager Tops! Cheers.
OK, pint of Tenants top and a Guinness top please barman, ouch, was it something I said paddy. ok no top on the lager, sorry Marco but this barman took offence to that foR some reason.
Any pork scatchings,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed May 27, 2015 10:17 pm

Barman......., that extra 1cm of lager drives me nuts. Speaking of nuts, dry roasted nuts please, ....., and top that lager!

Here comes Minshkama with some Viennese Swirls! Nice one.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed May 27, 2015 10:26 pm

marko69 wrote:Barman......., that extra 1cm of lager drives me nuts. Speaking of nuts, dry roasted nuts please, ....., and top that lager!

Here comes Minshkama with some Viennese Swirls! Nice one.
must admit that minsh has got good taste, I thought they were extinct. why's the sell by date been rubbed out. :astroll:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed May 27, 2015 10:54 pm

I think you are correct, Wolfie. These swirls may have been exceedingly good in 1975.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed May 27, 2015 11:05 pm

marko69 wrote:I think you are correct, Wolfie. These swirls may have been exceedingly good in 1975.
and the price tag from Woolworths is a bit of a worry, 6d. ermm I think I might just stick to the porky's thank minsh

I make the score Marco 4.....G&B..3 ......after the 7th hole.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:17 pm

Hole.... 8.....

579 yrds.
Wind 15mph left to right.
river running across the coarse at 374 yrds
lake to the left of green.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Jul 08, 2018 10:49 pm

goldandblack wrote:Hole.... 8.....

579 yrds.
Wind 15mph left to right.
river running across the coarse at 374 yrds
lake to the left of green.



have you seen the queue behind us waiting to tee off mate, impatient bunch aye,its only been 3 yrs this month. LOL

Those 2 lads at the front was still in a pram . who.s shot is it anyway.

Image

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 3:20 pm

NO WAY?! 3 years? Time flies.

I'm just fishing in the lake to the left of the green......., gives a shout when yer ready and I'll put the 3 foot long, 140lb rainbow trout I caught earlier back in.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:54 pm

Well I think I'm ready mate,
Image

since that last hole Pepsi has had puppies (well Mrs Pepsi did) and this is his number one son Pepsi Max who will be caddying for me. .whats that Max.. you will put that trout back for Marco. good boy Max.

that landlord at the rose n crown was a bit out of order when he said " The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music. but sticking that bagpipe where you did was a bit strong. where we gonna drink now.


Hole.... 8.....

579 yrds.
Wind 15mph left to right.
river running across the coarse at 374 yrds
lake to the left of green. (with no fish innit anymore)

OK my shot.
Max let me explain exactly what I mean by "my shot"Image

Wack. fourrrrrrrrrrrrr. well I kept that shot deliberately short of the river. 372 yards short might be a bit safe tho.

your shot Sir.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sat Jul 14, 2018 8:45 am

He’s a good one that Pepsi Max. He told me he’s your number one “Fan”ta.

Ok, I’m a bit tired this morning, buddy. Had the neighbour banging on my door at 3am. Ignorant git disturbed my bagpipe practice. Only had that half hour before the Rose n Crown were wanting it.

My boy Scotty was supposed to be caddying...... I called him and asked him to “bring the golf.....”....., then the phone cut off. Missed the word bag. He’s here with his nice 1988 Golf. I’m off for a spin and maybe a cinammon swirl from Starbucks. And I’ll get my bag also! Back soon :)

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sat Jul 14, 2018 10:02 pm

no rush mate, this speed golf will never catch on, anyway I have found a new pub just opened,
bit of a strange name
Image.

Earl Sterndale sounds very strange.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:27 pm

Strange name, and extremely far-fetched name.

Got in some putting practice on North Berwick links putting greens yesterday. Scotty said, “every hole is a par 2 and it’s a quid a hole.”
Lost 17 quid. But I did get a hole in one!

Tell you what Wolfie........ I’ve read back a few pages on this thread. Jaysus H man........ there should be a World Cup for having a laugh! Dear God.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:31 pm

marko69 wrote:
Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:27 pm
Strange name, and extremely far-fetched name.

Got in some putting practice on North Berwick links putting greens yesterday. Scotty said, “every hole is a par 2 and it’s a quid a hole.”
Lost 17 quid. But I did get a hole in one!

Tell you what Wolfie........ I’ve read back a few pages on this thread. Jaysus H man........ there should be a World Cup for having a laugh! Dear God.
you lost 17 notes, that's 5 pints of Guinness, would Scotty take a double or nothing at a game of dominos or perhaps a game of darts.

on the QT Marco has that big American with the hair gone yet, someone said his missus was looking to caddy for us, I did.nt like the look of those suits hanging around her so I declined, Minsk and Max will be proud when they here,



and all this time I have been taking this match serious

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:41 pm

Douwe Egberts finally got here with my clubs, Wolfie........ Took my shot, smacked it into that bloody lake. Sent him off to the shed to get the Darth Waders. Shouldn't take him long to find my ball with those on, he'll have the force.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:00 pm

marko69 wrote:
Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:41 pm
Douwe Egberts finally got here with my clubs, Wolfie........ Took my shot, smacked it into that bloody lake. Sent him off to the shed to get the Darth Waders. Shouldn't take him long to find my ball with those on, he'll have the force.
I just cant believe you could even hit the lake from here,its not even in the same direction, its even worse than when you took out that blokes conservatory back in 2013. the wind is blowing in the other direction, those folk behind us couldn't believe it, Max is texting his dad Pepsi saying how bad a shot that was,
anyway its my second shot, Smack fourrrrrrrrrr….that was the unluckiest shot I have ever seen, anyone could do it.... just a very small favour Marco, while Douwe Egbert is down in that murky water in the lake/ looking for your ball could he just keep an eye out for my ball,

PS.I Will be in the quiet lady having a nice quiet Guinness or 4.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Jul 19, 2018 6:52 am

That’s reminds me......., that conservatory guy had a two man sub! I overheard some other guy asking him for a sub, and then he rolled this trailer out of the garage with a submarine on it. (Think the guy only wanted three quid for the Greggs bacon roll and coffee meal deal but was completely misunderstood)

I’ll go back there, ask if I can borrow the sub,...... egberts could rake up quite a few balls. He’ll no doubt ask me to go in there with him. No chance. The only two man sub I’ll be doing will be on hearty Italian bread with loads of melted cheese.

Be back soon......... hopefully with some balls!!!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:19 pm

marko69 wrote:
Thu Jul 19, 2018 6:52 am
That’s reminds me......., that conservatory guy had a two man sub! I overheard some other guy asking him for a sub, and then he rolled this trailer out of the garage with a submarine on it. (Think the guy only wanted three quid for the Greggs bacon roll and coffee meal deal but was completely misunderstood)

I’ll go back there, ask if I can borrow the sub,...... egberts could rake up quite a few balls. He’ll no doubt ask me to go in there with him. No chance. The only two man sub I’ll be doing will be on hearty Italian bread with loads of melted cheese.

Be back soon......... hopefully with some balls!!!
do you think that would be a wise move going back to the scene of the crime, he did seem to be very angry when we said we would get Everest to install a new one, you remember when Everest called us a year later saying they hadn't been paid and you quoted his sales pitch that in a year the windows would have paid for themselves and hung up.
think its best to get maxi a snorkel instead.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:24 pm

right Maxi is ready. what colour was you ball Sir
Image

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