MARCO.You up for a game of golf

[goldandblack]

Mikeys shot for Charnwood taking by Spike. 6ft putt.

nice shot Spike. its in. there's this bloke over there with a yellow hard hat ants to see you.

[marko69]

Just want this hole over.

Minsh...., putter please. Err, Noooo, That's the putty. I thought you gave that to Tommy to fix the guys conservatory window?

Ok 8th shot....., rimmed the hole, with a jaggy fingernail, FK that was sore....., sorry guys, needed to scratch and sniff before Playing my shot.... , and it's IN THE HOLE..... The glow ball, not the finger.

Marko 4 over after 1.

[Number 9]

"Mmmmm Danone" ...., MINSH ....., GIVE IT A REST FFS. She keeps doing that woman's "mmmmmm Danone" voice. I'll finish that Stufz burger on the green after I chip this out.

Ok. Here we go, big back swing, follow through, ball missed, looks like the club has dug a hand out of the sand. Minsh, scoop that sand away. Holy sh*t, it's Jimmy Hoffa.

That explains the black suits! You'd better keep a low profile Marko...there's utterings that La Familia are coming!!

[goldandblack]

Just want this hole over.

Minsh...., putter please. Err, Noooo, That's the putty. I thought you gave that to Tommy to fix the guys conservatory window?

Ok 8th shot....., rimmed the hole, with a jaggy fingernail, FK that was sore....., sorry guys, needed to scratch and sniff before Playing my shot.... , and it's IN THE HOLE..... The glow ball, not the finger.

Marko 4 over after 1.

nice one Marco.

[marko69]

Trying my hardest to keep a low profile, 9 but a rogue crab just bit my balls. I did shout a bit too loud but Spike ain't giving those glow balls away for cheap.

[goldandblack]

just me to go then.. 5ft putt. schhhhhhhh pepsi.. tap Yessssssssssssssssssssssss..

yes pepsi I know it hit your foot and went in but I aimed for it.

[marko69]

Just want this hole over.

Minsh...., putter please. Err, Noooo, That's the putty. I thought you gave that to Tommy to fix the guys conservatory window?

Ok 8th shot....., rimmed the hole, with a jaggy fingernail, FK that was sore....., sorry guys, needed to scratch and sniff before Playing my shot.... , and it's IN THE HOLE..... The glow ball, not the finger.

Marko 4 over after 1.

nice one Marco.

Keeping it real, buddy!

[goldandblack]

St Andrew Open Update

G&B. shot 1; in Fiscal.
........shot 2; no comment.
........shot 3. 70 yrds from hole.
........shot 4: there will be a short statement from the G&B camp and the St Johns ambulance crew soon.
.........shot 5. 4ft putt. misses by a whisker. Pepsi keep your whiskers in your head
.........shot 6 in the hole......

Marco shot 1; in the St Andrew Groundsman' s greenhouse. .
.........shot 2; in Ash tree 40ft above the pin.
.........shot 3. 4. 5. Misses. no particular reason
.........shot 6. in the hole, out of the hole and back in the hole..

No 9. shot 1; in the St Andrew Groundsman' s conservatory.
........shot 2; on the green.
........shot 3. in the hole. one under par....

Charnwood. shot 1; into a 20 ft revine.
.................shot 2; onto a brand new black BMW roof'
.................shot 3. 4ft from hole.
.................shot 4; in the hole for par..

Frosty; in transit

1...No 9....... 3............. one under par
2...Charnood. 4 ............. Par
3...Marco......6...............2 over par
4...G&B.........6.............. 2 over par
5 fROSTY......

[marko69]

I took an 8, Wolfie. I better not cheat this early. Besides, that was just a rusty start..... I'm gonna come back and kick serious arse. Righ, Im off for a cannabis infested Danone yogurt and a rest. Catch youz later.

[goldandblack]

HOLE .....2..........

276 YDS PAR 3... WIND 80 mph up the coarse.

[goldandblack]

I took an 8, Wolfie. I better not cheat this early. Besides, that was just a rusty start..... I'm gonna come back and kick serious arse. Righ, Im off for a cannabis infested Danone yogurt and a rest. Catch youz later.

yea but 2 of those shots did.nt count.
1. where you fell out of tree, that bird dropped the ball
2. in the bunker when that hand threw it out

so thanks for your true sporty gesture.

but the scorers decision is final. that told him pepsi aye.

2 under stands

good luck and catch you later..

im going for that 16 for the price of 14 at Tesco's. of honey and lemon Danone offer.

[Number 9]

Well since you two are taking a break, I think I'll have a couple pints. Sally?...pour me a nice Guinness please. What?!...what do you mean Tina has drank all the Guinness? Oh, she's been on the yogurt and needed something to flush it down. Where is she now? I see, Tina has gone off with Wolfie for a bit of back door golf. Well I'm sure his balls will be glowing after the Guinness yogurt...dry heave. Ok Sally, perhaps a jigger will do. Sally?

[goldandblack]

Well since you two are taking a break, I think I'll have a couple pints. Sally?...pour me a nice Guinness please. What?!...what do you mean Tina has drank all the Guinness? Oh, she's been on the yogurt and needed something to flush it down. Where is she now? I see, Tina has gone off with Wolfie for a bit of back door golf. Well I'm sure his balls will be glowing after the Guinness yogurt...dry heave. Ok Sally, perhaps a jigger will do. Sally?

good thinking No 9. its you to tee off 1st, but we are watching you. have you seen anything of our Frosty and Charnwood, Mikey & Spike said there struggling with there day jobs playing there shots.. Spike is heading of down to the west country to hire some head torches out and Mikey has his eye on a mole back on the 1st hole.

good luck.

[goldandblack]

Marco; we only need another 14 mentions . well you need 17 to be exact.
if we can do it by the 9th hole, Wickes have the same offer for the 2nd 9. how good is that.
I got it wrong, I thought it was 30 times in 18 holes but it was 30 times in however many holes as you like.



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[goldandblack]

The Devastating Scenes found at first light at the St Andres Golf Coarse..

[Frosty]

Well chaps, finally arrived at a former Soviet republic as I make my way to the golf .... maybe just back 9 for me unfortunately.

Had yet another run in at airport security sadly which has delayed me.

As a word of warning never take out your Number 3 club in front of a group of burka clad muslim woman and ask "Who would like to see my 'woody'?"

Equally embarrassing was having my balls drop unexpectedly, but I managed to gather them up and put them back in my bag.

Hopefully see you all soon.

Yours in handcuffs
Frosty

[marko69]

I'm getting increasingly worried about my lucky Slaz 4 with all this ball dropping, Frosty . Here is a wee incentive for you....,., get that ball to St Andrews and there is a Danone Mango & Kiwi antibiotic yogurt in it for you. That ball brings the birdies! (psst, and bring some blonde Soviet birdies with you, and I don't mean Putin) ......., I didn't say anything, Minshkama, put that 1 iron back in the bag please.

[Number 9]

Fore!.....feckin brilliant...hole in one! Take that!...you no golf playing MF's!!!

[marko69]

Hole in one....., my well rounded, but firm, Scottish arse. Was anyone there to witness it? I asked Spike, but he said all the head torches mysteriously came on at once in his face and blinded him. You do realise that if it's proved that you've cheated..... You must stand on the Swilken Bridge, bollock naked while 238 Chinese tourists take photos of you?

[goldandblack]

Hole in one....., my well rounded, but firm, Scottish arse. Was anyone there to witness it? I asked Spike, but he said all the head torches mysteriously came on at once in his face and blinded him. You do realise that if it's proved that you've cheated..... You must stand on the Swilken Bridge, bollock naked while 238 Chinese tourists take photos of you?

well to be honest it was a hole in ONE, only small problem is the number TWO hole is over there Number 9, you just put that great shot into the number THREE hole. unlucky that's 3 shots before you tee off AGAIN....

Marco; its going to be fun when Number Nine gets onto the Number Nine hole.. this is going to hurt

[goldandblack]

2nd Hole.

1... No 9... 3 shots.... (still to tee off) 3 penalty shots for tee off to No 3 hole.
2....Charnwood..(still to tee off)
3....Marco ...2.....((on the green )
4....G&B.....1 shot......(60 yrds from tee).
5.... Frosty..1..........(into tea rooms)

[goldandblack]

HOLE TWO.

Pepsi pass me my 6 iron please, Pepsi, Pepsi, here Pepsi. what were you doing with that rabbit in the bushes you dirty dog.
give me that 6 iron. stand back Pepsi.

whoooosh,, erm Pepsi I said the no 6 iron. no you stupid dog that's a No 9 iron, yes i guessed you had it upside down.
well 60 yrds and on the fairway aint to bad. and the right fairway No 9...

[marko69]

Forgot to say........good to see the old "running at sunset" Wolf avatar back. That other wolf creeped me out big time! That half smug grin and blue eyes! Nasty!

[marko69]

Ok, Minshkama......., did you wipe that Vaseline off your hands? Ok....., hand me my 7 iron please.

FFS, I've sliced it again. Looks like its in that St Andrews tea room. I better go for a skinny latte with Danone semi skimmed milk and see if my ball is in there.

[goldandblack]

Forgot to say........good to see the old "running at sunset" Wolf avatar back. That other wolf creeped me out big time! That half smug grin and blue eyes! Nasty!

yeah and I thought it might change my luck in the prediction league, but it just proves its me

[goldandblack]

Ok, Minshkama......., did you wipe that Vaseline off your hands? Ok....., hand me my 7 iron please.

FFS, I've sliced it again. Looks like its in that St Andrews tea room. I better go for a skinny latte with Danone semi skimmed milk and see if my ball is in there.

that was so unlucky Marco. another 3 ft to the right and it would have been in the bar. but at least you have a good 2nd shot from the sugar bowl.


do you want to take Charnwoods shot. Spikes still down in the West Country selling candles.

did u see my pm. lol

[marko69]

The tea room owner, Demarara Silverspoon is being an arse. She said, "get the fk outta my sugar bowl." What do I do now?

[marko69]

Ok, Minshkama......., did you wipe that Vaseline off your hands? Ok....., hand me my 7 iron please.

FFS, I've sliced it again. Looks like its in that St Andrews tea room. I better go for a skinny latte with Danone semi skimmed milk and see if my ball is in there.

that was so unlucky Marco. another 3 ft to the right and it would have been in the bar. but at least you have a good 2nd shot from the sugar bowl.


do you want to take Charnwoods shot. Spikes still down in the West Country selling candles.

did u see my pm. lol

I hadn't, but I have now, and replied.

[goldandblack]

The tea room owner, Demarara Silverspoon is being an arse. She said, "get the fk outta my sugar bowl." What do I do now?

OK. a cunning plan I think is needed. me and pepsi will go in and keep her talking, see that bloke over there holding just a tea cup handle with that look of puzzlement. i'll order one of them and you hit the ball ok. cant fail.

Here goes,, good morning madame, can I have a cup handle please with Milk and 2 sugars please. what's that you don't have any suger. ok i'll have a cup handle please with coffee with milk and suger. what's that you don't have any sugar. OK i'll have a cup handle with hot choc and suger. what's that you say your spell it out to me. we don't have any Fugar. but there's no F in sugar. what's that you say. that's what you've been saying all along..

[marko69]

Ok, while you were arguing there about the Effin sugar, An old bloke asked if I saw the fog earlier....., told him I mist it.