MARCO.You up for a game of golf

A place to chat about anything thats not football related. Most of the threads in here are completely pointless which is why people keep coming back and back. As the forum title suggests, feel free to make any post you want on any subject you wish. It also has Adult jokes (so be warned) which is the other reason people keep coming back.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:39 pm

Can I stop running? Will I get my mate Tommy to go see the guy for his conservatory window? He'll get the window fixed and talk him into getting a new condensing boiler?

Mikey....., go for it..... Let's get off this tee before we get lynched !

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:43 pm

Mikey, I'm sure that's not the right end to hold. mikey your hitting that ball not sticking don that mole hole..

Fore....... Mikey I think you went down into that big ravine, not sure you should go down there mate,
look theres your ball down there.. I think you need a no 7 iron. good luck.

Whats that your saying Mikey, its a ball with a number 7 iron next to it... what do you mean theres a skeleton next to the iron,

yeah your right it looks like your never going to get out of there with a 7 iron. i'll throw down a 4 iron ok.

have a bit of respect Pepsi, no you cant have a bone, have another delishiouse Danone blueberry yogart
Last edited by goldandblack on Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:46 pm

marko69 wrote:Can I stop running? Will I get my mate Tommy to go see the guy for his conservatory window? He'll get the window fixed and talk him into getting a new condensing boiler?

Mikey....., go for it..... Let's get off this tee before we get lynched !
yeah I think we need to be moving on, don't like the look of his dog,

I think O'reilys bars looking good until the dust/ glass settles. I think it might take till Sunday looking at it.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:07 am

Ok, you keep an eye on Mikey, I'm with Tommy at the guys house. Tommy has got him demolishing the conservatory and putting in a huge breakfast Nook. I'll leave them to it.

My green glow ball is in a huge plant pot. Looks like weed mate. Will I roll a few before I play my shot?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:28 am

Ok, minsh forgot the Rizlas, so the smoke is off. She did have a Danone pear and cashew nut yogurt though which I duly ate. In fact I only ate have of it..... Her pal Julie, duly ate the other half.

Ok I've smacked a sweet one from the plant pot and it was heading straight for the green, but then a Harris Hawk snatched it from mid-air. Looks like its sitting in a tree by the green. I'll need to have a Danone spiced apple yogurt and think about this.

Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 3:38 am

After wrestling the Driver away from Spike, and kickin his bloody ear in...I now have a bruised palm and knuckle which will certainly affect my handicap. Nevermind, here I go...swish...swish...well it's gone so far I can't see it! Tiger shall be trembling in his cheating golf shoes. What?...Spike?...what did you say c*ck? Oh blast!, the glowing ball is still sitting pretty on the Tee! Ok, after kicking Spike in the eye for laughing I'm now ready to Tee off! Here we go...wind from the south...a slight mist in the air...Yeeees!...on the green! Brilliant!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Sat Oct 26, 2013 7:03 am

Oh dear .... I have had an entirely debauched night on the beach at Bali.

I ended up spending the evening entertaining 3 beautiful young ladies ..... I think they were brothers.

Would it be possible for you to take my shot for the first hole Wolfie as I am a bit late? I don't trust Marko or Charny and the only holes the Texan Number9 will know anything about have 'Nodding Donkeys' attached to them.

I hope to catch an Air Ubekistan flight today which goes via Khazakstan so maybe I will get to meet Borat finally. see you soon.o

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 10:12 am

You on the proper green, 9? Looks like youve landed on the St Andrews fishwives, drying green. good luck getting your ball back there, buddy.

Frosty..... Get me a Borat "mankini" please. I'll put that on for Halloween night. Sure to scare the shyte out of everyone, me in one of those bad boys.

Just spoke to Len Harris, Harris Hawk specialist from the Harris Hawk (left of) Centre on the isle of Harris....., he says Harry the Harris Hawk from Harris will drop the glow ball for a Danone mixed berries with pomegranate seed yogurt. I'm standing next to the first hole green....., where the Fk am i going to get a Danone mixed........ What's that Minsh? Excellent........, no I dont think it'll matter that it's a pumpkin seed one. Go get it please.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:50 pm

That hawk eventually had three Danones before it dropped my glow ball,....., the coconut flavoured one done the trick......, well , It was bounty eh?

Ok, I've just chipped my third into the bunker across the other side of the green. I've asked Minsh for my sand iron but she's just ran away saying she's away for her bucket and spade.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 6:01 pm

Image

St Andrew Open Update

G&B. shot 1; in Fiscal.
........shot 2; no comment.
........shot 3. 70 yrds from hole. :mrgreen:
........shot 4: there will be a short statement from the G&B camp and the St Johns ambulance crew soon. :?
.........shot 5. 4ft putt. misses by a whisker. Pepsi keep your whiskers in your head

Marco shot 1; in the St Andrew Groundsman' s greenhouse. .
.........shot 2; in Ash tree 40ft above the pin.
.........shot 3. 4. 5. Misses. no particular reason

No 9. shot 1; in the St Andrew Groundsman' s conservatory.
........shot 2; on the green.
........shot 3. in the hole. one under par....

Charnwood. shot 1; into a 20 ft revine.
.................shot 2; onto a brand new black BMW roof'
.................shot 3. 4ft from hole.
.................shot 4; in the hole for par..

Frosty; in transit
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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 6:02 pm

Image

update from our Sponsor.
Best offer from Asda's Deal 5 x Danone Strawberry low fat only £3.24.

Shot 2.

Pepsi our ball seems to be deeper in this fiscal stuff than it was, who's size 14 boot prints are they over it. I might have to hit this sideways onto the fairway, i'm a bit concerned about that brand new black Beamer parked next to that house with all those builders and insurance guys round it.

Fore..............no don't blame yourself Pepsi, you wasn't to know the club end was lose,(don't look at him) just give me a number 9 and if that builder askes we know nothing ok. anyway he should have been wearing a hard hat.

Shot 3.

Fore; thank you pepsi but there's no need to laugh. at least its back on the fairway. don't look but that builder is heading this way.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 6:52 pm

Shot 4..

Pepsi, go and stand by the flag with your torch, if by any chance it goes anywhere near the hole lift the flag Ok. And be careful of Marco up that tree with that bird.,

Fore; WOW.. Pepsi was that noise the ball hitting the flag, and what was that thud sound.

Your shot Marco,,, MARCO ?.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:36 pm

NEWSFLASH from St Andrews.

A very rare nesting hawk that was re-introduced into the Scottish area of St Andrews has been found in a state of shock after laying a green florescent egg that has shocked the local twichers.
Locals said there was a sighting of a florescent gold object seen in the area, but there seems to be no connection.
A local builder and green keeper said there have been some strange things happening in these parts latelly.


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Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:44 pm

Number 9 has the Green...
Shot 3:
Chip shot over Marco's body on the green. He's ambulatory after taking a glow-ball to the temple spraying blood all over the green.. Not to worry, he's getting up slowly. Those Scots are hard as snails! Anyway, on to more important things. During all the commotion (ie. Marko's blood letting)...the ball dropped in the hole like a sugar cube in a nice cup of tea. What's the Par on this hole GB...I think I've just took the lead!...Augh!...Augh!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:50 pm

Number 9 wrote:Number 9 has the Green...
Shot 3:
Chip shot over Marco's body on the green. He's ambulatory after taking a glow-ball to the temple spraying blood all over the green.. Not to worry, he's getting up slowly. Those Scots are hard as snails! Anyway, on to more important things. During all the commotion (ie. Marko's blood letting)...the ball dropped in the hole like a sugar cube in a nice cup of tea. What's the Par on this hole GB...I think I've just took the lead!...Augh!...Augh!
its a par 4 No 9. Nice one your one under par......do me a favour No 9 when Marco comes round don't mention how the gold glowing ball is in bedded in his head. now do I get a free drop shot or lose a shot. ermmmm pepsi wheres the rule book. think I might play it

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:03 pm

anyone seen Mikey since he took Charnwood's shot that went into that ravine. pepsi go and have a look.

Whats that pepsi. he's having a bit of a problem taking his 3rd shot from that new beamer parked near that house. go tell him he can drop the ball from the cars roof and not lose a shot.


good shot Mikey. its on the green, although lucky it hit marco and stopped. well not so lucky for marco but he will come round again i'm sure.

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selection of 16 daily energy drinks from Morrisons or Patel corner shops UK for only £3.50. ah Danone,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:41 pm

Is there some fat bstd dressed up as Marko with a sore head lying on the green? It's not me. I'm in the bunker with Minsh, sunbathing. I ended up in the bunker and Minsh went away for a bucket and spade. She came back with deck chairs, mini BBQ and beverages. I've been asleep for the past four hours. I better chip out I suppose.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:44 pm

And how is 9 on the green? I saw him being chased up the harbour by some angry, heavy set woman, brandishing a rolling pin?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:47 pm

marko69 wrote:Is there some fat bstd dressed up as Marko with a sore head lying on the green? It's not me. I'm in the bunker with Minsh, sunbathing. I ended up in the bunker and Minsh went away for a bucket and spade. She came back with deck chairs, mini BBQ and beverages. I've been asleep for the past four hours. I better chip out I suppose.
Image
Pepsi give me that torch.. o god your right Marco its got a yello hard hat on. give us a lift and if we can get him back to the Green house before he comes round ,he'll never know.

you got time to take your shot Sir, don't like to disturb your bbq.


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Danone Evian Water 50cl A0103912 P24
by Danone

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:51 pm

And how is 9 on the green? I saw him being chased up the harbour by some angry, heavy set woman, brandishing a rolling pin?





----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- well he shot a 3 on the 1st hole. ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. keep an eye on him I think mate.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:02 pm

"Mmmmm Danone" ...., MINSH ....., GIVE IT A REST FFS. She keeps doing that woman's "mmmmmm Danone" voice. I'll finish that Stufz burger on the green after I chip this out.

Ok. Here we go, big back swing, follow through, ball missed, looks like the club has dug a hand out of the sand. Minsh, scoop that sand away. Holy sh*t, it's Jimmy Hoffa.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:04 pm

marko69 wrote:"Mmmmm Danone" ...., MINSH ....., GIVE IT A REST FFS. She keeps doing that woman's "mmmmmm Danone" voice. I'll finish that Stufz burger on the green after I chip this out.

Ok. Here we go, big back swing, follow through, ball missed, looks like the club has dug a hand out of the sand. Minsh, scoop that sand away. Holy sh*t, it's Jimmy Hoffa.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:07 pm

better get Miss Lucy Marples on the case. must have been there years. did he have a sand wedge in his hand, could have died of old age.
he was actually dead marco.???

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:12 pm

Dunno mate, but I'd start looking through these bunkers for Lord Lucan and Shergar.

Forensics have said I can play my shot, this is my 5th. Ok its in the light rough on the edge of the.........., sea. How the FK did I hit it that far?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:19 pm

marko69 wrote:Dunno mate, but I'd start looking through these bunkers for Lord Lucan and Shergar.

Forensics have said I can play my shot, this is my 5th. Ok its in the light rough on the edge of the.........., sea. How the FK did I hit it that far?
that was really an unlucky shot. I think that hole was put in the wrong place. anyway its your shot again, m
i'm on the green and Mikey is so good luck' quick mikey lets get behind that tree with madame X, your right Mikey the safest place is next to the hole.


PS, Don't want to worry you Marco but that Stufz burger probably is shergar... :lol: :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:43 pm

Shergar n' cheese......., delicious mate.

Ok, I've got crabs......, on my golf bag, Minsh. Please start paying attention. Right, 6th shot......, oh, nice connection, that's a sweet shot......, OHHHHH, it hit the flag......, and it's rolling over to Hoffas bunker...... OI FORENSIC GUY, PUT THAT GLOW BALL DOWN. Jaysus H! You guys head on to the 2nd...... This may take a while.

Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:45 pm

You'll both be happy to hear, I've been able to acquire the services of Sally and Tina (ie. Caddie Hookers). It was a tough sale, but since Harry buggered off with the salmon and whiskey I encouraged my gals to swim across the Atlantic to join me and their estranged colleague, Lashonda...whom we haven't seen since she took a glowball to the head while posing as Marko and as a man from a construction site.

Alas, luckily I've arranged for the girls to operate a fully stocked caddie-canteen on a diesel golf cart I took from the shed on the drying green. Luckily, I was able to escape the clutches of a possessed chambermaid sporting an enflamed rolling pin. Which brings me to the present... -1 as I approach hole 2...bump...bump...oh dear, I think that was Lashonda!

Anyway, drinks are on me. Who's shot is it?? And, what shot would you like?
Last edited by Number 9 on Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:47 pm

Ok, Minsh....., Sandy Wedge please......., NO, not the club, the music. Put some Country Western singer, Sandy Wedge on on my tape deck.

7th shot, 9 iron,..... Back swing, line dance, IM ON THE GREEN! WOOHOO

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:51 pm

marko69 wrote:Shergar n' cheese......., delicious mate.

Ok, I've got crabs......, on my golf bag, Minsh. Please start paying attention. Right, 6th shot......, oh, nice connection, that's a sweet shot......, OHHHHH, it hit the flag......, and it's rolling over to Hoffas bunker...... OI FORENSIC GUY, PUT THAT GLOW BALL DOWN. Jaysus H! You guys head on to the 2nd...... This may take a while.
unlucky again,,

just a small mater of taking our shots Marco. pepsi stand on the flag, putter please. 4ft putt. left to right dip. pepsi please stand behind the flag. stupid dog. this green is so fast I might just hit it with the shadow of the club.

here goes. tap......great shot if I say it myself. now only 5ft from hole.. :mrgreen:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:54 pm

Number 9 wrote:You'll both be happy to hear, I've been able to acquire the services of Sally and Tina (ie. Caddie Hookers). It was a tough sale, but since Harry buggered off with the salmon and whiskey I encouraged my gals to swim across the Atlantic to join me and their estranged colleague, Lashonda...whom we haven't seen since she took a glowball to the head while posing as Marko and as a man from a construction site.

Alas, luckily I've arranged for the girls to operate a fully stocked caddie-canteen on a diesel golf cart I Jimmied from the shed on the drying green. Luckily, I was able to escape the clutches of a possessed chambermaid sporting an enflamed rolling pin. Which brings me to the present... -1 as I approach hole 2...bump...bump...oh dear, I think that was Lashonda!

Anyway, drinks are on me. Who's shot is it?? And, what shot would you like?
its mikeys shot for Charnwood but spikes going to take it now his eyesight has returned

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