MARCO.You up for a game of golf

A place to chat about anything thats not football related. Most of the threads in here are completely pointless which is why people keep coming back and back. As the forum title suggests, feel free to make any post you want on any subject you wish. It also has Adult jokes (so be warned) which is the other reason people keep coming back.

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goldandblack
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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:09 pm

right shall we get started, Mikey said he will come round with us to catch a few moles.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:14 pm

Catch a few moles? Sure he didn't mean "watch a few holes" but the git is out his face on Southern Comfort?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:16 pm

marko69 wrote:Catch a few moles? Sure he didn't mean "watch a few holes" but the git is out his face on Southern Comfort?

actually he could have said that. but I thought i'd just humour him as he's got the keys

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:18 pm

is that the Texan hiding over there with his rocket launcher

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:19 pm

He may have the keys, but where is Spike with his Glow balls?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:21 pm

Last I heard the Texan was on his way down to Grangemouth to sook up all the oil and take it back to Cowboy land.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:25 pm

marko69 wrote:He may have the keys, but where is Spike with his Glow balls?

he's over there, I thought it was the northern lights but no its Spike.
Last edited by goldandblack on Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:33 pm

Sorry mate, but I cant see him........, has he fell in a bunker or something?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:35 pm

marko69 wrote:Sorry mate, but I cant see him........, has he fell in a bunker or something?
well perhaps it is the Texan down at Grangemouth. I told him not to light that cigar, :shock:

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Last edited by goldandblack on Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:37 pm

well i'm on the tee, shall we toss a coin to see who tee's off first

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:42 pm

flip away......, I'll say you flip it into the rough and it takes an hour to find the coin........, an excellent opportunity for a quick pint.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:49 pm

marko69 wrote:flip away......, I'll say you flip it into the rough and it takes an hour to find the coin........, an excellent opportunity for a quick pint.
:D but pepsi is loaded up with his golf bag, heads or tails. how about Mikey takes frosty go, and Spike takes charnwoods until they get here

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:34 pm

I'm drunk, and I'm bloody lost! Where the hell is Grangemouth?!...that's what the sign said. I was just trying to rent some clubs and this bloke in a black suit and sunglasses came up to me and told me to bugger off! I said I was looking for St Andrews and he said they don't let americans play over there, especially Texans! Bollucks then, I'm heading back to the pub. I'll send Two Holes Lashonda your way lads. Apparently she's another Anika Sorresten...she's loves hitting a few balls with the men. Let me know when Frost arrives. Maybe Roger and Lashonda will help his handicap hic hic.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:40 pm

Number 9 wrote:I'm drunk, and I'm bloody lost! Where the hell is Grangemouth?!...that's what the sign said. I was just trying to rent some clubs and this bloke in a black suit and sunglasses came up to me and told me to bugger off! I said I was looking for St Andrews and he said they don't let americans play over there, especially Texans! Bollucks then, I'm heading back to the pub. I'll send Two Holes Lashonda your way lads. Apparently she's another Anika Sorresten...she's loves hitting a few balls with the men. Let me know when Frost arrives. Maybe Roger and Lashonda will help his handicap hic hic.
don't worry about those black suits, there just Rangers fans in fancy dress, i'll put you down as the Wild Card in this major.

think marco is back down that pub looking for his golf clubs

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:24 am

Right, my mate Harry from RAF Lossimouth(sp) has agreed to fly his rescue helicopter to the head of Grangemouth Isle, not too far from the oil wells. He says he'll transport 9, Marko and Frosty for a rendevous with Wolfie on the floodlit hills of St Andrews. All we have to do in return is supply Harry with a year's worth of smoked salmon, and a month's worth of Glennfiddicks's(sp) finest whiskey. I said Frost would take of it because we're all skint. Harry says he'd also be more than happy to light the course from above if needed for a few bob more. Fkn brilliant!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:39 am

Dont trust this idea, 9. Harry will take one look at the white marshmallow dust on Frostys nose, and we'll ditch. And that'll be frostys second ditch in a week. Give the guy a break. Two ditches and a rogering in the space of 4 days? He'll end up fecking off back to kiwi land with his clubs.

Forget Harry. My buddy William is at RAF Leuchars, just 8 miles from St Andrews. He said he will help providing I go look after his bird, Kate. I'm more than happy to go look after Kate. I'll catch up with you guys on the course over the weekend. In the meantime, I'll still be practicing my golf...... "FOUR......., FOUR......., FOUR......."

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:06 pm

Number 9 wrote:Right, my mate Harry from RAF Lossimouth(sp) has agreed to fly his rescue helicopter to the head of Grangemouth Isle, not too far from the oil wells. He says he'll transport 9, Marko and Frosty for a rendevous with Wolfie on the floodlit hills of St Andrews. All we have to do in return is supply Harry with a year's worth of smoked salmon, and a month's worth of Glennfiddicks's(sp) finest whiskey. I said Frost would take of it because we're all skint. Harry says he'd also be more than happy to light the course from above if needed for a few bob more. Fkn brilliant!

would Harry except a 60lb salmon that just happens to be in fancy dress as a Catfish. the Glennfiddicks's depends on how much he drinks in a month.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:17 pm

marko69 wrote:Dont trust this idea, 9. Harry will take one look at the white marshmallow dust on Frostys nose, and we'll ditch. And that'll be frostys second ditch in a week. Give the guy a break. Two ditches and a rogering in the space of 4 days? He'll end up fecking off back to kiwi land with his clubs.

Forget Harry. My buddy William is at RAF Leuchars, just 8 miles from St Andrews. He said he will help providing I go look after his bird, Kate. I'm more than happy to go look after Kate. I'll catch up with you guys on the course over the weekend. In the meantime, I'll still be practicing my golf...... "FOUR......., FOUR......., FOUR......."
I've had a another calling from above, there's another meeting in Bradford with the Young Angel Leigh. the bus will be here sat morning at 4am.
looks like we are banned from that pub on the corner as well Marco.


I went into bar, ordered twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as i could.
The bartender says, "Wolfie, why are you drinking so fast?"
I said, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
I said "only £1.29."

no sence of humour these landlords aye.
that's 3 bars we are banned from now, and unless you know something you aint told us from your visit to the O'reillys bar that's the only pub we can go in in this town.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:37 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'm struggling to keep up with you with these jokes! £1-29!! Superb! :lol:

I'm round in the Mexican on St Andrews High Street with Kate. The place that looks like someones front room. If you guys show up and I'm not in site, it's because I'm in the toilet..... A tortilla went through the roof of my mouth and I'm busy crying for my mum. :cry: sore!

Kate just got a text from Willie. He landed his chopper on Johnny Screwfix-Direct. I think he's dead. And all the torches are ruined as well. Good news though...... Those four bright lights you spoke of??......, Khantsee saw them. I think his sight is returning. I'll call him later. We shall get the tee off tonight hopefully. Who won the toss by the way?

FROSTY?? What's feckin happenin man? Did you get past security or what? And are there any marshmallows left?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:38 pm

LEIGH LEIGH SUPER LEIGH ^^^^^

LEGEND!!!! :D

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:57 pm

marko69 wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: I'm struggling to keep up with you with these jokes! £1-29!! Superb! :lol:

I'm round in the Mexican on St Andrews High Street with Kate. The place that looks like someones front room. If you guys show up and I'm not in site, it's because I'm in the toilet..... A tortilla went through the roof of my mouth and I'm busy crying for my mum. :cry: sore!

Kate just got a text from Willie. He landed his chopper on Johnny Screwfix-Direct. I think he's dead. And all the torches are ruined as well. Good news though...... Those four bright lights you spoke of??......, Khantsee saw them. I think his sight is returning. I'll call him later. We shall get the tee off tonight hopefully. Who won the toss by the way?

FROSTY?? What's feckin happenin man? Did you get past security or what? And are there any marshmallows left?
:D :D :D


you won the toss mate, see you later.

See that young lad holding us up in front.
I'll have a word with him.

“Hey lad what's up with you taking so long.
The lad. “ i'm pondering on the shot around that big tree.
I said” when I was your age I used to hit the ball over the tree every time and onto the green, saves you 3 shots.

If you cant hit it over that tree you let us pass you ok.

The lads says “ok if you could do it so can i”
the lads hits the ball which hits a branch and lands back at his feet.

3 times he tries it and 3 times he fails.
He said how come you could do it every time.

I said well “when I was your age that tree was only 2ft high.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:08 pm

Score Card.
HOLE............MARCO.........G&B.........FROSTY....No 9........Charnwood...........
1................./............./............./............../.........3....../............../........Par ..4..
2................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
3................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
4................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
5................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
6................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
7................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
8................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
9................./............./............./............../.............../.............../........
10................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
11................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
12................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
13................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
14................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
15................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
16................/............./............./............../.............../............../........
17................./............./............./............../.............../............./........
18................./............./............./............../.............../............./........

Total............./............./............./............../.............../............./......
Last edited by goldandblack on Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:10 pm

HOLE ONE. 376 Yds.. Wind 15 mph,,LeftRight.





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Dannon - Light & Fit -greek Yogurt - Strawberry
Servings: 1 container (5.3 oz/150g)
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Total Fat 0 g Potassium 160 mg
Saturated 0 g Total Carbs 8 g
Polyunsaturated 0 g Dietary Fiber 0 g
Monounsaturated 0 g Sugars 6 g
Trans 0 g Protein 12 g
Cholesterol 10 mg
Vitamin A 0% Calcium 15%
Vitamin C 0% Iron 0%

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 10:57 pm

Marco; i'm going to tee off ok, “Pepsi pass me the No 3 wood,” you stupid dog that's my catfish rod,
Pepsi, get back to the van and get me golf clubs.

Thank you Pepsi, yes that was an easy mistake doh.

Pepsi now watch where this goes. But leave it there ok.

Fore............WOW, my good ol no 3 wood did the job, Pepsi “what do you mean it went into the fiscal”. What on earth is fiscal.

your shot Marco Sir. yea best we get behind that tree Pepsi.

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pass the Suger free BANANA DANONE. this could take a while,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:14 pm

I've just emptied 8 danone strawberry yogurts into a pint glass and crushed 4 digestive biscuits into it. Get me a spoon Minsh.

I ain't going to repeat her reply..... And I certainly ain't putting the spoon up there.

Ok, I'm on the tee. Fairway wood. You see that green up there? That is where my ball is going.

Ok, I think that sounded like someones greenhouse. FK!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:22 pm

marko69 wrote:I've just emptied 8 danone strawberry yogurts into a pint glass and crushed 4 digestive biscuits into it. Get me a spoon Minsh.

I ain't going to repeat her reply..... And I certainly ain't putting the spoon up there.

Ok, I'm on the tee. Fairway wood. You see that green up there? That is where my ball is going.

Ok, I think that sounded like someones greenhouse. FK!

nice shot mate, think were gonna be ok for tomatoes Pepsi. good thing your ball is green and not red.

you taking Frosty's shot while your on the tee

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:27 pm

Are you kidding me? I'll intentionlly TRY and hit his ball in the water..... But it'll end up on the green. My luck!

Just heard an older guys Scottish voice, did you hear it...... "MA FKN TAMATAES!!" Tell him it was number 9 wolfie!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:31 pm

marko69 wrote:Are you kidding me? I'll intentionlly TRY and hit his ball in the water..... But it'll end up on the green. My luck!

Just heard an older guys Scottish voice, did you hear it...... "MA FKN TAMATAES!!" Tell him it was number 9 wolfie!
yes I wondered what he was saying. he was lucky it missed his conservatory.

Spike take N0 9 s shot.. Spike no you cant borrow my good ol no 3 wood. heres my no 2 wood.

stand back everyone, Spike could be a bit dangerous.

Fore,, oh god, he's put it straight thro, yes the conservatory. Runnnnnnnnnnnn

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:35 pm

sh*t......, just had 8 yogurts! I can't run. MINSH, carry me.

What do you mean "eff off ya fat bstd!" . NICE!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Oct 25, 2013 11:36 pm

Mikey wants to take Charnwoods shot, is that ok with you marco

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