MARCO.You up for a game of golf

A place to chat about anything thats not football related. Most of the threads in here are completely pointless which is why people keep coming back and back. As the forum title suggests, feel free to make any post you want on any subject you wish. It also has Adult jokes (so be warned) which is the other reason people keep coming back.

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Charnwood
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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Charnwood » Fri Oct 18, 2013 2:31 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:Stewards enquiry, Wolfie. While you've been training Pepsi to cheat..... Err sorry, I meant fetch..., and I've been getting rubbed by minsh....., Charnwood has been out practicing and Number 9 is playing putting in his huge Ewing Oil style office in Texas. This can't be fair.
to be honest Marco I did have a quick go round the local crazy golf course. well until I ran out of balls in the windmill, Not seen Pepsi since I told him to pass me the Sand Wedge, oh here he comes,," Pepsi I said Sand Wedge, not Sandwich you stupid dog.".

Charnwood are you in. we need to know your caddie's name. Marco's caddies name and telephone number
got pm from No 9 asking what was "golf" this could be easier than I thought.

I have a choice of two subject to availability and which day we're playing, I'll either bring Sandy Groper, Dirty Birdie or even Hairy Hooker if it's the weekend as she's happy with a stop over.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:14 pm

Charnwood wrote:
goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:Stewards enquiry, Wolfie. While you've been training Pepsi to cheat..... Err sorry, I meant fetch..., and I've been getting rubbed by minsh....., Charnwood has been out practicing and Number 9 is playing putting in his huge Ewing Oil style office in Texas. This can't be fair.
to be honest Marco I did have a quick go round the local crazy golf course. well until I ran out of balls in the windmill, Not seen Pepsi since I told him to pass me the Sand Wedge, oh here he comes,," Pepsi I said Sand Wedge, not Sandwich you stupid dog.".

Charnwood are you in. we need to know your caddie's name. Marco's caddies name and telephone number
got pm from No 9 asking what was "golf" this could be easier than I thought.

I have a choice of two subject to availability and which day we're playing, I'll either bring Sandy Groper, Dirty Birdie or even Hairy Hooker if it's the weekend as she's happy with a stop over.
I hope you and Marco are treating this as a serious golf match and not just a beano up north of the border,

Last time I played golf up there I played this lad from Aberdeen, on one hole he hit his ball into the water, he said to me he only had that one ball so I lent him a ball. he hit that in the water again, so he borrowed another, then another, then another. after lending him 12 balls i said, "these golf balls don't come cheap you know". he said " well if you cant afford to play golf you shouldn't ." :roll:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:25 pm

So it looks like its just the 3 of us then unless No 9s Jumbo jet arrives on time ,


the line up on the 1st tee will be.

1.Marco. .......................Caddie .Madame Minshkama. better known as "Madame X".
2.Gold n Black ................Caddie , Pepsi. better known as.. " drop it you stupid dog".
3.Charnwood .................Caddie, .. shortlist down to 3 unsavoury sounding young wrenches

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:12 pm

9 is at a bus stop in Dallas, or some pish like that..... He's out.

Dirty Birdie sounds the baws to me, charnwood.

Do we need to announce what clubs we have? I have two nightclubs in Edinburgh. Minshkama runs one of them for me. She wants to meet Dirty Birdie for a wee dance, ......, I'd like to film that meeting on my iPhone.

When's the T off?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:31 pm

marko69 wrote:9 is at a bus stop in Dallas, or some pish like that..... He's out.

Dirty Birdie sounds the baws to me, charnwood.

Do we need to announce what clubs we have? I have two nightclubs in Edinburgh. Minshkama runs one of them for me. She wants to meet Dirty Birdie for a wee dance, ......, I'd like to film that meeting on my iPhone.

When's the T off?
I'm thinking of anytime tomorrow night, shall we meet in that pub just around the corner from the pub that's just up the road from that pub next to that bus stop. then work out who's here and who's there, Pepsi thinks its going to be just a walk in the park so don't mention golf ok.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:36 pm

Well I walked into a bar last week,..... Still got the bandage on the head, bloody sore so it was.

The pub you are speaking of..... Is it the pub around the corner from McDonalds, across the road from Subway, next door to Pizza Hat? If so, great pub, but no eating joints in the vicinity. It'll need to be pork scratchings.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:44 pm

marko69 wrote:Well I walked into a bar last week,..... Still got the bandage on the head, bloody sore so it was.

The pub you are speaking of..... Is it the pub around the corner from McDonalds, across the road from Subway, next door to Pizza Hat? If so, great pub, but no eating joints in the vicinity. It'll need to be pork scratchings.
I took my pet giraffe into my local. I said to the giraffe "keep yer head down the landlord don't let pets in his pub. the landlord came over and said " what's that lying down there. the giraffe looked up and said " who you calling a lion mate.

yeah that's the pub, shall we say TEE OFF at 9ish. shall I send Charnwood a Memo. think he lives in the same forest as us lol

Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:48 am

Sorry I can't make it lads, but while I was standing at the bus stop swinging my club, I did come upon a couple caddie prospects. There was Salivarous Sally, Missing Front Teeth Tina and Two Holes Lashonda all looking at my club. I might be able to arrange a trip to sunny Scotland if the price is right...they said. Btw, is the name of that pub the Number 9th Hole? Excellent atmosphere if it is!!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:38 am

You came upon some caddie prospects....., right there at the bus stop? That's Fkn disgusting mate!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:28 pm

I was going to make a surprise appearance and catch up with you all, but it all turned to sh*t as I was running late at the airport and apparently running down the concourse waving a 3 wood shouting 'Allah Akbar' (who was my mate that was going to caddy for me) led to a nasty misunderstanding with security.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 1:47 pm

marko69 wrote:You came upon some caddie prospects....., right there at the bus stop? That's Fkn disgusting mate!
He didn't mention exactly which bus stop by any chance :wink:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 1:52 pm

frostynz wrote:I was going to make a surprise appearance and catch up with you all, but it all turned to sh*t as I was running late at the airport and apparently running down the concourse waving a 3 wood shouting 'Allah Akbar' (who was my mate that was going to caddy for me) led to a nasty misunderstanding with security.
Well Arnold your in luck as this Golf tournament is going global, so NZ could be in the running if you can convince the World Golf Committee (which just happens to be El Marciano and G & B contractors ). our man will be in touch with your man ok.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:28 pm

just a reminder of some rules before we start.

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANY ONE
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, PLEASE LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS
9. QUIET PLEASE...... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES
11. VERY GOOD. NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:55 pm

:lol: after reading 11 and realising what it was all about......, number 8 is very amusing :lol:
Imagine trying that! I'm off to the cinema tonight with the wife, I'm going to go to the toilets and stand in front of some dude taking a p1$$......, anyone going to visit me in hospital? :lol:

Frosty...... How is the questioning going? :lol: What a fantastic scene you created there in my head.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:25 pm

marko69 wrote::lol: after reading 11 and realising what it was all about......, number 8 is very amusing :lol:
Imagine trying that! I'm off to the cinema tonight with the wife, I'm going to go to the toilets and stand in front of some dude taking a p1$$......, anyone going to visit me in hospital? :lol:

Frosty...... How is the questioning going? :lol: What a fantastic scene you created there in my head.
I think our little NZ hobbit friend is keeping stom.
Image

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:49 pm

Hole One;........376 yds Par 4.
270 yds to water hazzard ( brook )
Sand Bunker just over brook.
Tree's to the left of the bunker.
footpath to right (out of bounds)
trees and deep valley to the left 50yds past trees.

80 yds from water hazard to green
26 yds Edge of green to the hole

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:27 pm

Well it don't look like anyone is turning up Pepsi. you want another packet of crisps.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:42 pm

Sorry I'm late. Was at the pics with the Mrs. I'm loaded with two large helpings of nachos and drippy cheese. A few munchies closer to that coronary.

You took your shot yet?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:43 pm

marko69 wrote:Sorry I'm late. Was at the pics with the Mrs. I'm loaded with two large helpings of nachos and drippy cheese. A few munchies closer to that coronary.

You took your shot yet?
no probs. no we are still in the pub, on 4th Guinness and ready to go

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:53 pm

Still In the boozer? Sounds good to me. Pint o Carling if they have it please. Cheers. Any scampi fries?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:53 pm

Ok, I am on my way again folks, as luck would have it, Akbar's suitcase blew up, apparently due to an over pressurized shaving can and in the confusion I boarded my flight.

..... the problem is I don't have a caddie now, and the weird thing is he has a beard so why the shaving kit?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:54 pm

Right shall we start and Charnwood can catch up. unless we have a stand in . :wink:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:55 pm

frostynz wrote:Ok, I am on my way again folks, as luck would have it, Akbar's suitcase blew up, apparently due to an over pressurized shaving can and in the confusion I boarded my flight.

..... the problem is I don't have a caddie now, and the weird thing is he has a beard so why the shaving kit?

Arny frosty. Pepsi said he will caddy for you as well

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:56 pm

What about sitting in the boozer until the kiwi arrives?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:57 pm

marko69 wrote:Still In the boozer? Sounds good to me. Pint o Carling if they have it please. Cheers. Any scampi fries?

we have scampi fries mate,,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:58 pm

marko69 wrote:What about sitting in the boozer until the kiwi arrives?

sounds like a plan Marco. ANOTHER ROUND BARMAN. frosty will pay on his arrival.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:59 pm

Number 9.. you sure you don't want to join this match. we probably not get out of this boozer

Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:01 pm

I'm just arriving at the pub...pint of Guinness please!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:02 pm

Number 9 wrote:I'm just arriving at the pub...pint of Guinness please!
good choice Sir, 2 pints of Guinness barman, no the Texan wont need cocktail umbrella in it

Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:07 pm

Nah, just the number '9' in the head.

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