MARCO.You up for a game of golf

A place to chat about anything thats not football related. Most of the threads in here are completely pointless which is why people keep coming back and back. As the forum title suggests, feel free to make any post you want on any subject you wish. It also has Adult jokes (so be warned) which is the other reason people keep coming back.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:01 am

Just had a telegram from Frosty......, It reads, "Yo maaan, dis is good sh*t maaaaaan, ya know whit am sayin an that maaaaan? Jammin maaaan."

Turns out he's "stoned". The laws must've changed. Frosty, if you read this......, rub it again until the Genie comes...... (Genie loves that)....... And she will give you three wishes. Use them wisely, buddy ok?

Sorry, I'll say that again...... "Hey Frosty maaaaan, how you doin bro, ya git da 3 wishes an that maaaan, use them smokin ' right innit maaaan!"

Wolfie, hoping Frosty at least gets himself on UK soil using the first wish. Hopefully Genie's sense of humour ain't warped and takes him to the ghettos of East London, innit!?

Ok....., I need to be quick trying to get my ball back...... there is a badger over there trying to shag the 4ft tall stone squirrel...... Psycho Cyril will be back soon.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Fri Nov 28, 2014 12:02 pm

Listen guys that was a total flop.

The genie turned out to be someone's missus which is really bad form in a Muslim country.

Luckily I managed to high tail it out of there as everyone was actually being 'stoned' when they weren't looking on a racing Camel ..... An animal I have got quite attached to .... It's strictly plutonic though before you think bad of me.

Believe there is a short cut I can take straight through the middle of Syria, will ring you from Kobani which is on the Turkish border.

Have met quite a few British tourists while I have been here ..... Are black robes and head dress in fashion at present in the UK as it seems to be the in thing over here?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Nov 28, 2014 1:52 pm

Frosty, I think the head dress is blocking your view......, that camel is following you , maaaaan !

http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship- ... nd-man.jpg

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Nov 28, 2014 1:58 pm

Ps......, if you can manage, bring me some Turkish Delight......, the stuff that's full of Eastern Promise.

Pps...... Off to the a&e at the moment..... A testicle had slipped through a hole in my plus 4's whilst out on a limb in that tree...... Cyril crept up from behind........, Anyway, I'm at A&e.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Nov 28, 2014 2:14 pm

On a side note, Wolfie....., was on a job site earlier and there were another 5 colleagues there......, one of them (joiner) has a wicked sense of humour. We were all just talking Shyte and telling stupid jokes and stories, (typical Friday) and I told them about Pepsi and rounding up the sheep!!! Couple of groans, but the joiner physically spat out coffee and laughed his arse off! Was a very contagious moment as we all ended up laughing our arses off! So......, nice one buddy. :D

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Nov 28, 2014 4:30 pm

marko69 wrote:On a side note, Wolfie....., was on a job site earlier and there were another 5 colleagues there......, one of them (joiner) has a wicked sense of humour. We were all just talking Shyte and telling stupid jokes and stories, (typical Friday) and I told them about Pepsi and rounding up the sheep!!! Couple of groans, but the joiner physically spat out coffee and laughed his arse off! Was a very contagious moment as we all ended up laughing our arses off! So......, nice one buddy. :D
I was a joiner/carpenter for years so it must be just our sense of humour

sorry to hear about the accident, I would pay you a visit but I have to wait here in the club house for that delivery.

JOKE for your joiner buddy.
Two carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing up the wall cladding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”

The first explained, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!”

The second carpenter got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!” :lol: :lol: :lol:


don't think we will be having to many problems with Cyril any more
tonight special in the club house is

the Friday Specials with a choice of either.. Braised Squirrel Aurora

recipe;
1 x squirrel, cut into serving pieces 
5 cloves garlic
1/4 cup almonds
25 green olives
Flour for dusting
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion
1 small hot chile, minced
1 cup  white wine
1/2 cup chicken broth, rabbit or other light broth
1 pound fingerling potatoes (optional)
Parsley for garnish

or....Menu Two
Squirrel Pot Pie

recipe
1 dressed squirrel (2 - 2 1/2 lbs.)
2 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. butter
Dash of black pepper
Rolled dumplings
Parsley
Last edited by goldandblack on Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Fri Nov 28, 2014 9:19 pm

Oh dear my 'Lonely Planet' guide appears out of date ..."Kobani, quiet quintessential Syrian town with old world charm...". Its a bloody war zone here .... more British accents are heard .... there's a lot of fighting, bloodshed and destruction ..... are Millwall in town I wonder to myself?

Have crossed the border into Turkey and decided to clean myself up in one of their bath houses. Had a fantastic massage from a beautiful Middle Eastern woman ..... I think she said her name was Eric ..... more on that later .........

CU Soon chaps

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:28 pm

frostynz wrote:Oh dear my 'Lonely Planet' guide appears out of date ..."Kobani, quiet quintessential Syrian town with old world charm...". Its a bloody war zone here .... more British accents are heard .... there's a lot of fighting, bloodshed and destruction ..... are Millwall in town I wonder to myself?

Have crossed the border into Turkey and decided to clean myself up in one of their bath houses. Had a fantastic massage from a beautiful Middle Eastern woman ..... I think she said her name was Eric ..... more on that later .........

CU Soon chaps
you sure your in Syria Frosty, sounds more like Sandwell Town in Brum to me.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:42 pm

Don't think so Wolfie .... there was too many people with jobs to do.


Had a couple of practise shots of golf while I was waiting for my bath .... hell of an 'air' shot .... and the guy at the top of the minaret went strangely quiet.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Nov 28, 2014 11:16 pm

frostynz wrote:Don't think so Wolfie .... there was too many people with jobs to do.


Had a couple of practise shots of golf while I was waiting for my bath .... hell of an 'air' shot .... and the guy at the top of the minaret went strangely quiet.
You really should get yourself over here Frosty, when I told matron in re hab I was going to play golf she said the fresh air and exercise would be just the tonic to get of the evil alcohol. I;m not sure if Marco was listening tho. hic hic. have you seen a City Link van on your travels by any chance.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sat Nov 29, 2014 12:09 pm

Don't worry, Wolfie... I was listening...... I opened a hopper window in the bar....., plenty fresh air getting in now. My round..... Of beer? Barmaid, hold the drinks just now. Back later.

Getting increasingly worried about frosty......, that woman "Eric"?...... Her last name is "Shun". Hope he's still able walk when he gets here.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sat Nov 29, 2014 10:59 pm

marko69 wrote:Don't worry, Wolfie... I was listening...... I opened a hopper window in the bar....., plenty fresh air getting in now. My round..... Of beer? Barmaid, hold the drinks just now. Back later.

Getting increasingly worried about frosty......, that woman "Eric"?...... Her last name is "Shun". Hope he's still able walk when he gets here.

Well as long as the window is open I think that counts as healthy living, plus there were a lot of veg in that squirrel stew last night, calls for another beer to celebrate getting our good living life style back on track...

on the missing Frosterino alias Eric Shun saga. :astroll:
My big concern is if our great leader McCameron (cough cough) starts losing the polls, he will shut our boarders until after the election,
we could be at least on hole 9 by next May before Frosty is allowed in..

PS. do you think Mr Frosty is taking this match serious..

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 2:22 pm

I think Frosty has taken so bloody long to get out of the Middle East, I think he's actually joined some group over there......, I think they are called "One Explosion". They are quite good apparently. Frosty hits the high notes quite well after his Eric Shun escapades.

Ok, on to the tee. 7 iron out. SSSHHHHMACKOH!!!

Sliced it again, FFS...... Into those oaks, "clunk"......, ** leaves sounds ** ...., thump.

Oh sh*t! That was Cyril's Mrs falling out the tree. Hope she's ok.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Nov 30, 2014 2:29 pm

marko69 wrote:I think Frosty has taken so bloody long to get out of the Middle East, I think he's actually joined some group over there......, I think they are called "One Explosion". They are quite good apparently. Frosty hits the high notes quite well after his Eric Shun escapades.

Ok, on to the tee. 7 iron out. SSSHHHHMACKOH!!!

Sliced it again, FFS...... Into those oaks, "clunk"......, ** leaves sounds ** ...., thump.

Oh sh*t! That was Cyril's Mrs falling out the tree. Hope she's ok.

great shot, you got her right between the eyes.
well I'm a bit stuck here, do I wait for those City Link deliveries or take a chance in the river, I think its only about 8ft deep. or get Stevie Bull up here to part the water. dilemma's, dilemma's.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 2:37 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:I think Frosty has taken so bloody long to get out of the Middle East, I think he's actually joined some group over there......, I think they are called "One Explosion". They are quite good apparently. Frosty hits the high notes quite well after his Eric Shun escapades.

Ok, on to the tee. 7 iron out. SSSHHHHMACKOH!!!

Sliced it again, FFS...... Into those oaks, "clunk"......, ** leaves sounds ** ...., thump.

Oh sh*t! That was Cyril's Mrs falling out the tree. Hope she's ok.

great shot, you got her right between the eyes.
well I'm a bit stuck here, do I wait for those City Link deliveries or take a chance in the river, I think its only about 8ft deep. or get Stevie Bull up here to part the water. dilemma's, dilemma's.
Stevie Bull did say once, "I can part water!"

"Bull" I said.

ONE STEVIE BULL! THERES ONLY ONE STEVIE BULL.....

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Nov 30, 2014 7:48 pm

marko69 wrote:
goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:I think Frosty has taken so bloody long to get out of the Middle East, I think he's actually joined some group over there......, I think they are called "One Explosion". They are quite good apparently. Frosty hits the high notes quite well after his Eric Shun escapades.

Ok, on to the tee. 7 iron out. SSSHHHHMACKOH!!!

Sliced it again, FFS...... Into those oaks, "clunk"......, ** leaves sounds ** ...., thump.

Oh sh*t! That was Cyril's Mrs falling out the tree. Hope she's ok.

great shot, you got her right between the eyes.
well I'm a bit stuck here, do I wait for those City Link deliveries or take a chance in the river, I think its only about 8ft deep. or get Stevie Bull up here to part the water. dilemma's, dilemma's.
Stevie Bull did say once, "I can part water!"

"Bull" I said.

ONE STEVIE BULL! THERES ONLY ONE STEVIE BULL.....
:lol:

I wish we had another like him now. but there will always be ONLY ONE STEVIE BULL.

Anyway I think my diving gear wont be hear in time, hold on what's that card on the door mat, er, tried to deliver 3 x parcels but there was no one in. pick up from local depot in Carlisle.. City Link.

right I'm going in the river, Marco hold on to this rope, if I tug it 3 times I need pulling out, that's 3 times OK..
Splash, right where's that ball, got it, no 9 iron please Pepsi. Pepsi where did you get that diving gear from, Oh there's a diving hire shop next to the club house.

Wak splosh. where did it go Pepsi. ok follow that catfish and get it back.

Your shop Marco.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 9:14 pm

Can I let go this rope? I'm getting rope burns......., bringing back bad S&M memories.

Must go just now......., I have a nice M&S toffee pudding to eat.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Nov 30, 2014 9:58 pm

marko69 wrote:Can I let go this rope? I'm getting rope burns......., bringing back bad S&M memories.

Must go just now......., I have a nice M&S toffee pudding to eat.
no probs, i will need the rope to catch this monster tadpole,you go and eat your nice M&S toffee pudding, and i'll fight this giant catfish for by ball back :?
Pepsi; dogs are meant to chase cats no swim the other way you coward.

on a technical golf ruling, does a fish picking up the ball and moving it nearer the hole count or is it out of bounds or whatever.
Charnwood should know.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:47 pm

CHARNWOOD......., GET IN HERE!

** Whispers** sorry wolfie, can't control my voice......, my toffee pudding was spiked I think.

CHARNWOOD...... GOLF QUESTION......., GET YER ARSE IN HERE!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:48 pm

By the way....., looks like pepsi is in trouble with that 18 foot tall catfish over there......,

Oh sh*t......, damn that toffee pudding

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:52 pm

marko69 wrote:CHARNWOOD......., GET IN HERE!

** Whispers** sorry wolfie, can't control my voice......, my toffee pudding was spiked I think.

CHARNWOOD...... GOLF QUESTION......., GET YER ARSE IN HERE!
I had a slice of Giys, was really tasty . :?
I think Charnwood heard you OK. will give him 3 weeks then will make our own rules up.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:59 pm

I have already started writing those new rules. My new number 68 driver is being made as I type. I'll be able to slice that ball over 700 yards in a few weeks. Got Cyrils brother, Boris gnawing that thing into shape over there........., KEEP AT IT BORIS!......., WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS SUNDAY NIGHT AND YOU ARE MISSING OPEN SEASON ON THE DISNEY CHANNEL?........, JUST KEEP FKN GNAWING.

Just been told there is a pineapple upside down cake ready for me in the clubhouse. Back soon.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Nov 30, 2014 11:09 pm

marko69 wrote:I have already started writing those new rules. My new number 68 driver is being made as I type. I'll be able to slice that ball over 700 yards in a few weeks. Got Cyrils brother, Boris gnawing that thing into shape over there........., KEEP AT IT BORIS!......., WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS SUNDAY NIGHT AND YOU ARE MISSING OPEN SEASON ON THE DISNEY CHANNEL?........, JUST KEEP FKN GNAWING.

Just been told there is a pineapple upside down cake ready for me in the clubhouse. Back soon.
go for it mate, I'm just gonna have a few words with this cool cat.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Tue Dec 02, 2014 7:06 pm

Just heading back to the A&e Wolfie......, think I've got some Labyrinthitis after eating that cake upside down. Boris is going to take my shot for me. Back soon.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Tue Dec 02, 2014 8:39 pm

marko69 wrote:Just heading back to the A&e Wolfie......, think I've got some Labyrinthitis after eating that cake upside down. Boris is going to take my shot for me. Back soon.
that sounds painfull that Labyrinthitis. I think you were meant to take the upside down thing out of the tin first.

Any way I have managed to wrestle my ball away from the catfish, and managed to chip it onto the fairway. (honest :mrgreen: )
Borris ggod luck....

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed Dec 03, 2014 8:24 pm

I just spoke to that catfish, Wolfie. I asked if you had been cheating......., he said in a Blakey voice......, "I'LL AVE YOU, WOLFIE!"

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/e ... 10x343.jpg

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Dec 03, 2014 8:55 pm

marko69 wrote:I just spoke to that catfish, Wolfie. I asked if you had been cheating......., he said in a Blakey voice......, "I'LL AVE YOU, WOLFIE!"

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/e ... 10x343.jpg
Yeah thats him. ugly looking critter aye. OK look the ball was in its mouth, I told him a joke about the Cat fish, the Nun, and the Vicar,
Well he laughed so much that he spat the ball out at such a force, it shot out of the water and rico shayed of this City Link van and hit this tree. luckily enough it bounced down onto the fairway just there look. (honest)

did Charnwood ever get back to us on that rule. because in reality I've only actually hit the ball once. 8)

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Dec 04, 2014 6:39 am

Charnwood has indeed replied. But he says he wants some breaded catfish with fish cakes for dinner at the clubhouse later. In the meantime, he says he's off to a Bill Werbenuik memorial service.

Any news on Frosty ?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:02 pm

marko69 wrote:Charnwood has indeed replied. But he says he wants some breaded catfish with fish cakes for dinner at the clubhouse later. In the meantime, he says he's off to a Bill Werbenuik memorial service.

Any news on Frosty ?
Catfish is on the Spit Roast as we speak Sir. had to use this number 68 driver I found earlier to hold it on the spit.
its gonna take a lot of batter. I might just pop over to the clubhouse and get some seasoning.

not a word from Frosty. I think he must be still in shock from his score in week 18. :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Dec 05, 2014 9:00 am

Latest news on Charny....... At the BW memorial, he told Cliff Thorburn that his first red in his 147 was pure luck and he's a flukey b*stard. Cliff smacked him with a Jim Wych signed pool cue. Going to visit Charny later.

Had a text from frosty. Quote: I'm in "Syria's" sh*t, mate."
Sounds really serious......, he was caught in customs shouting, "THIS IS MY FINAL THOUGHT"......, religious people took offense thinking he was disrespecting their beliefs. Some religious guy screamed, "Mick McCarthy is NOT the chosen one, and you will go to hell of Hades that is Leeds for suggesting such things"
Not sure how Frosty is going to get out of this one.

I see you used a 68 driver? I can't find mine. Nightmare.

Ok, back from A&e now. Who's shot is it?

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