MARCO.You up for a game of golf

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Dec 05, 2014 4:54 pm

marko69 wrote:Latest news on Charny....... At the BW memorial, he told Cliff Thorburn that his first red in his 147 was pure luck and he's a flukey b*stard. Cliff smacked him with a Jim Wych signed pool cue. Going to visit Charny later.

Had a text from frosty. Quote: I'm in "Syria's" sh*t, mate."
Sounds really serious......, he was caught in customs shouting, "THIS IS MY FINAL THOUGHT"......, religious people took offense thinking he was disrespecting their beliefs. Some religious guy screamed, "Mick McCarthy is NOT the chosen one, and you will go to hell of Hades that is Leeds for suggesting such things"
Not sure how Frosty is going to get out of this one.

I see you used a 68 driver? I can't find mine. Nightmare.

Ok, back from A&e now. Who's shot is it?
well I think its mine. but not sure until Charnwood gives his verdict.

i hope All White don't read that Leeds comment lol; i'll be under the table if she does.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Dec 05, 2014 5:01 pm

Oops! Apologies....... Will she go nuts...... Err..... Like a Leeds fan? :D

Charnwood? CHARNWOOD?

He's either asleep , or he's ignoring me.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Dec 05, 2014 5:12 pm

marko69 wrote:Oops! Apologies....... Will she go nuts...... Err..... Like a Leeds fan? :D

Charnwood? CHARNWOOD?

He's either asleep , or he's ignoring me.

tell you the truth, she says the same thing about Leeds. lol

OK, I ill take my shot and if Charnwood rules against me then I will add that a shot to my score.

No 9 iron please Pepsi. FORE.......CRACK, doh I landed behind that tree. luckily enough I just purchased this new club from Wicks to get out of this mess.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Dec 07, 2014 6:43 pm

Ok, I promised Boris he could take a shot. Go for it Boris. No, Boris, don't use that, that's a PUTTER...., BORIS....., ssshsmack.
Oh well...... Only went 11 yards, but at least he didn't slice it.

Right....., I'm very interested in this new club you've purchased from Wickes to sort out "behind tree" shots. We are all watching! Pressure is on! :D

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Dec 07, 2014 9:13 pm

marko69 wrote:Ok, I promised Boris he could take a shot. Go for it Boris. No, Boris, don't use that, that's a PUTTER...., BORIS....., ssshsmack.
Oh well...... Only went 11 yards, but at least he didn't slice it.

Right....., I'm very interested in this new club you've purchased from Wickes to sort out "behind tree" shots. We are all watching! Pressure is on! :D

well Boris's shot might have only gone 11yards but although mine went 784yrds it did bounce back 780yrds after hitting that tree. :astroll:

anyway its time to unveil the new Wicks club, especially designed by grizzly Adams. stand back this club needs a bit of room.



YOUR SHOT MATE :wink:





















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well that worked OK.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Dec 07, 2014 9:45 pm

LOL :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Dec 07, 2014 10:36 pm

marko69 wrote:LOL :lol:

I think spike is offering the same club a bit cheaper but with his you need an extension lead,
can you smell burning Marco, what's all those fire engines heading to the clubhouse ? did you turn the hog roast off. :shock:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:18 pm

Don't worry about the roast, G&B, it's fine. ......, Russell Latapy was in there with a few mates and they all sparked up at the same time. I rushed in there quick in a state of panic, but Russell said, with a thumbs up, "Everfins cool duuuuude!"

Want to take the second shot 11 yards on from the tree, but it's near impossible. I had told Boris to pss off and he's in that tree above my ball emptying his nuts onto me.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:42 pm

marko69 wrote:Don't worry about the roast, G&B, it's fine. ......, Russell Latapy was in there with a few mates and they all sparked up at the same time. I rushed in there quick in a state of panic, but Russell said, with a thumbs up, "Everfins cool duuuuude!"

Want to take the second shot 11 yards on from the tree, but it's near impossible. I had told Boris to pss off and he's in that tree above my ball emptying his nuts onto me.

Meet El Gingerino from Sicily, renowned for keeping the streets clean of rodents.
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Don't think we will be having any more trouble with Cyril and his pal El bugsy Borris .


your shot sir

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Dec 12, 2014 12:35 pm

Right, that's those two gits gone......., "thanks ginger!"

I think I just saw ginger being chased by Tasmin Archer Badger. She better run, that thing looks hungry.

6 iron out, ......, it's the new Russell Hobbs MK 6 iron......., need to press these trousers, shouldn't take long. Back later.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Dec 12, 2014 9:15 pm

marko69 wrote:Right, that's those two gits gone......., "thanks ginger!"

I think I just saw ginger being chased by Tasmin Archer Badger. She better run, that thing looks hungry.

6 iron out, ......, it's the new Russell Hobbs MK 6 iron......., need to press these trousers, shouldn't take long. Back later.
that's one of el gingerino's cunning plans, he gets chased down some dark ally, where bugsey lays in wait. T A Badger looking good in his new concrete boots.

I thought my ball was just here before it snowed, this could take a while,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Dec 14, 2014 1:48 pm

Did you find your ball? It's "snow" here and it's "snow" over there..... I wonder where it is?!

Ok this is my last shot until the new year, off to a place where there is no snow for a few weeks, so I better get this on the green..... Or the "white" since it's snowing.

"Caddy, 5 iron please....... Put that Moulinex iron away, that's been done."

Right, golf club in hand at last. Shhhmack...... Oh dear God, that's the worst slice ever......, it's heading for that allotment over there......., SMASHHHHH!

** runs away while shouting over shoulder to Wolfie **
See ye when I'm back fi Sicily , mate!!!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sun Dec 14, 2014 3:16 pm

marko69 wrote:Did you find your ball? It's "snow" here and it's "snow" over there..... I wonder where it is?!

Ok this is my last shot until the new year, off to a place where there is no snow for a few weeks, so I better get this on the green..... Or the "white" since it's snowing.

"Caddy, 5 iron please....... Put that Moulinex iron away, that's been done."

Right, golf club in hand at last. Shhhmack...... Oh dear God, that's the worst slice ever......, it's heading for that allotment over there......., SMASHHHHH!

** runs away while shouting over shoulder to Wolfie **
See ye when I'm back fi Sicily , mate!!!

:lol: :lol: .

Well you all have a great time mate and happy Christmas to you and the family. and have a safe trip.

I'm now having to plan a trip to Wicks to buy a new green house as I couldn't run as fast as you... :lol: :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:58 am

Right...... What hole we on? (That reminds me of a conversation with the wife)

Let's celebrate the absolute brilliant Darren Clarke being made RC captain by playing a few more holes.

On the 6th tee with Minshkina, "Minshkina, club please"
"Fruit, mint or orange, Marko?"
"ALWAYS a fruit club to munch, Minsh"

Take your shot while I munch this, Wolferino.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Feb 20, 2015 10:33 pm

marko69 wrote:Right...... What hole we on? (That reminds me of a conversation with the wife)

Let's celebrate the absolute brilliant Darren Clarke being made RC captain by playing a few more holes.

On the 6th tee with Minshkina, "Minshkina, club please"
"Fruit, mint or orange, Marko?"
"ALWAYS a fruit club to munch, Minsh"

Take your shot while I munch this, Wolferino.
if my memory is right, we are on the 6th hole.

I'm on the green with a 12ft putt.
Your on the green with a 8 ft putt
Frosty is at some airport between here and Sweden.


My putt.6th shot.. Putter in hand, slight downhill slope left to right. Pepsi is holding the flag, tap, its looking good, ooohh just 11ft short. :?
your 6th shot Marco. good luck..

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:13 pm

OK......, 8ft putt here at the putt putt panorama.

Its hit......, its slow, but its gradually speeding up......., OHHH, the momentum takes it over the wee wooden bridge......, it continues down the slope, through the clowns mouth, out the back of the clowns head, its fast, hits the barriers, round 90 degree bend, into the windmill, its gathered up, its dropped onto the higher green level, its trickling down the mini slope, slowly, slowly, slooooowwwwwly, it hits a magic mushroom, its rocketed to the other end of the green, bounces off a barrier, hits the scaffolding holding up the TV gantry, it collapses, Peter Allis falls on the ball, accidentally kicks it while getting off his fat a$$, and it gently plonks into the hole.

Fk off, Minsh........, what do you mean "fluke"?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:32 pm

marko69 wrote:OK......, 8ft putt here at the putt putt panorama.

Its hit......, its slow, but its gradually speeding up......., OHHH, the momentum takes it over the wee wooden bridge......, it continues down the slope, through the clowns mouth, out the back of the clowns head, its fast, hits the barriers, round 90 degree bend, into the windmill, its gathered up, its dropped onto the higher green level, its trickling down the mini slope, slowly, slowly, slooooowwwwwly, it hits a magic mushroom, its rocketed to the other end of the green, bounces off a barrier, hits the scaffolding holding up the TV gantry, it collapses, Peter Allis falls on the ball, accidentally kicks it while getting off his fat a$$, and it gently plonks into the hole.

Fk off, Minsh........, what do you mean "fluke"?
brilliant shot, actually that's the best shot since I shot that pesky squirrel.
right schhhhhhhhh.. my shot to equal the hole. yessssssssss its in.

Marco you would be proud of this wolf, last week I was working as a Dope Catcher at the races, Stu the Jambo said "why do you keep watching me " lol.

Hole 8 next.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Mar 02, 2015 11:45 pm

Haha! :D

Lock him up, Wolfie!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:02 am

marko69 wrote:Haha! :D

Lock him up, Wolfie!
well must admit he's got a great sense of humour, well he would have to aye, there's 2 of em there now so I'm out numbered.

he's been standing on that door now since January. lol although he now in charge of the faulty fire alarm system so every 5 minutes he has to re-set it before everyone leg's it.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:05 am

HOLE 8..

your 2 shots up.

569 yds.
Coarse has a dog leg to the right.
Winds N E at force 45.

Good Luck

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:41 pm

Wolfie, bit of a hold up. Minshkama found the dog leg to the right and made a stew with it. It's flippin delicious. I'll be on the coffee, then on the "tee" after this.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Mar 13, 2015 10:04 pm

marko69 wrote:Wolfie, bit of a hold up. Minshkama found the dog leg to the right and made a stew with it. It's flippin delicious. I'll be on the coffee, then on the "tee" after this.
ah now I get it, I was in the club house when this three-legged dog walks into the bar and says, “I'm looking' for the man who ate my paw!” :D

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Fri Mar 13, 2015 10:31 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:Wolfie, bit of a hold up. Minshkama found the dog leg to the right and made a stew with it. It's flippin delicious. I'll be on the coffee, then on the "tee" after this.
ah now I get it, I was in the club house when this three-legged dog walks into the bar and says, “I'm looking' for the man who ate my paw!” :D
LMAO!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: ..... Genius use of an older joke! Superb.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Sat Mar 14, 2015 12:02 am

this hole looks fairly easy,I cant see to many problems doing it in par,

When your ready Sir Marco.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Sun Mar 15, 2015 2:52 pm

Is it a Par 8?

Got myself a new caddy. His name is Mr Egberts. Mr Douwe Egberts. I can see him on the tee. Must get over there.

Any wind, Douwe?
You kiddin me? Been fartin like thunder all night long.
I mean wind on the fairways?

Right Wolfie. Got the right stick out.
Smashed it 287yds down the middle........, of the adjacent fairway........., "FOUR!"

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:14 pm

marko69 wrote:Is it a Par 8?

Got myself a new caddy. His name is Mr Egberts. Mr Douwe Egberts. I can see him on the tee. Must get over there.

Any wind, Douwe?
You kiddin me? Been fartin like thunder all night long.
I mean wind on the fairways?

Right Wolfie. Got the right stick out.
Smashed it 287yds down the middle........, of the adjacent fairway........., "FOUR!"

its a par 8 if you mean the by the route we normally take lol...but in the book its a par 5..

can you ask Mr Douwe Egberts if he can stand down wind as pepsi has just collapsed,

I think a number 1 wood from the tee, throws a bit of grass in the air,, not sure why but I saw nick Faldo do it ,,,

Wack, fourrrrrrrrrrrrrr, its looking good, 280 yrds , big cheer from the massive crowd of 3. landed just behind your ball, as that was probably our best shots shall we hope they never noticed and play this hole, I think it was that hole YOU smashed that green house.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:02 pm

Yes, I think you may be correct. He wanted me to pay for that.
He said, "OI, you smashed my green house!"
I said, "Where?"
"Right fkn there!" He screamed, pointing.
"That's glass, mate. I cannae see any green."
That got him a tad angrier.

But, much like my golf....... I cannae see any "green" either.

2nd shot from the wrong fairway...... SSSSSSSHHHHHHMACK!
AWWW yeah, good hang time, good hang time, wind assisted........, FKN SMAAAAAASH!

Oh Shyte. Must've hit one of those green glass things again!

If you need me, I'll be in that deep as fk bunker over there with a dustbin lid on ma head.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Mar 26, 2015 12:09 am

marko69 wrote:Yes, I think you may be correct. He wanted me to pay for that.
He said, "OI, you smashed my green house!"
I said, "Where?"
"Right fkn there!" He screamed, pointing.
"That's glass, mate. I cannae see any green."
That got him a tad angrier.

But, much like my golf....... I cannae see any "green" either.

2nd shot from the wrong fairway...... SSSSSSSHHHHHHMACK!
AWWW yeah, good hang time, good hang time, wind assisted........, FKN SMAAAAAASH!

Oh Shyte. Must've hit one of those green glass things again!

If you need me, I'll be in that deep as fk bunker over there with a dustbin lid on ma head.

really cant understand that shot Marco. don't think that's actually a bunker either, did you notice that ice cream van, the deck chairs, those sand castles. I think your on the beach mate, and the tides coming in. not sure the dustbin lid actually suits you but everyone to there own.

my shot.

Smack; Fourrrrrrrrrrrr.. oh god you know that ice cream van,it landed in the choc mix. well did you want a raspberry ripple double cream with a choc flake. or an orange and lemon double lolly. ah what's that button for..

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:36 am

Sorry for the delay......, Douwe pi$$ed off in a terrible huff because the ice cream van had no coffee flavoured ice cream. He's just arrived back driving a golf Carte D'or loaded with the stuff. Seems a bit hyper.

3rd shot....., (or 4th shot as I had to take a drop....., just outside the greenhouse made of glass).
"Right, Douwe...., Club please."
"I have a Cadburys Flake. Will that do?"
:roll:

Ok, here goes. 7 iron........., SSSHMACK!
Looking good........, Oh no...., slow up, slow down, COME DOWN....., SMASH!

Think its smashed a window in old Maxwell's House. If he's looking for me, tell him I'm off in the Carte D'or with Douwe Egberts getting a Nescafe.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Fri Apr 10, 2015 8:41 pm

marko69 wrote:Sorry for the delay......, Douwe pi$$ed off in a terrible huff because the ice cream van had no coffee flavoured ice cream. He's just arrived back driving a golf Carte D'or loaded with the stuff. Seems a bit hyper.

3rd shot....., (or 4th shot as I had to take a drop....., just outside the greenhouse made of glass).
"Right, Douwe...., Club please."
"I have a Cadburys Flake. Will that do?"
:roll:

Ok, here goes. 7 iron........., SSSHMACK!
Looking good........, Oh no...., slow up, slow down, COME DOWN....., SMASH!

Think its smashed a window in old Maxwell's House. If he's looking for me, tell him I'm off in the Carte D'or with Douwe Egberts getting a Nescafe.
think you got away with that one mate, 2 sugars in my Nescafe if your buying, i'll be where this little ol white ball lands. Smackkkkkkkkk; OK,,ill be 10ft over there.,

be careful in that Coffee Shop, its full of weirdo's
don't laugh Marco I got talking to this strange fella in there once he said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," all I said was "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?" and he went berserk,

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