MARCO.You up for a game of golf

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goldandblack
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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:02 pm

frostynz wrote:
I bloody loaned you my Slazenger number 4......., that better not be lodged in a trolley dollys bum cheeks?
its ok Marko .... he was absolutely fine about it.
have you actually taking off yet.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:04 pm

'Queer And Nasty Try Another Service'

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:04 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:Did you see the owl playing pool earlier?
cant say I did, my eyes are getting a bit misty. where's the pool table. hic hic
He's a cheatin git. Keeps on saying "two hits to who? Two hits to who?"

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:05 pm

don't want to hurry anyone, but I've got this meeting with this Mr Catfish tomorrow week down in Sunny Essex.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:06 pm

marko69 wrote:
goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:Did you see the owl playing pool earlier?
cant say I did, my eyes are getting a bit misty. where's the pool table. hic hic
He's a cheatin git. Keeps on saying "two hits to who? Two hits to who?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
don't get it.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:14 pm

See that Marco,this white horse just walked up to the bar and ordered a whisky, the landlord said he actually has a whisky named after you.
ok landlord i'll have a double Earnie.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:13 pm

goldandblack wrote:See that Marco,this white horse just walked up to the bar and ordered a whisky, the landlord said he actually has a whisky named after you.
ok landlord i'll have a double Earnie.
Yes, and that reminded me of the time when I was down my local and this little panicking & completely distraught penguin ran into the pub, and straight to the bartender. The poor wee penguin said to the barman, "I'm lost, I'm lost, please help. Have you seen my dad anywhere?"
Barman said, "What does he look like?"
That Colin the barman was never helpful in critical situations.

So, today, Khantsee can't see eff all apparently, although I did see a cherry picker drive past 15 minutes ago, so....., get well soon lamp post. I take it Spike didn't show up last night with the torches? Useless git. I'll try and get my buddy, Johnny........, what's johnnys last name?, what was it again?? It's a double barrel name, awww, what was it??....., oh yeah, Johnny screwfix-direct....., pretty sure he will sort us out tonight for some lightage!

Not too sure about Frosterino......, apparently the flight was going to ditch into the Indian Ocean......, there weren't enough parachutes for everyone so Frosty shat a brick and took what he thought was a little girls parachute......, turned out it was her school bag. She's on live TV, thanking God etc etc......, but f*ck knows where the kiwi is. Hope his phone didn't get wet. More importantly, he better have my Slaz4......, I don't care if its covered in trolley dolly as* mud....., it'll wash.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:17 pm

I'll have another Guinness please!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:04 pm

Apologises for not being on the Tee last night but you wont believe what happened.

When we finally got escorted from that pub, me and pepsi decided to save money on lodgings and kip in that bus stop.
Just nodded off when I heard this voice from the great master above, Derek Dougan,
he said “you've been summoned to the great golden palace for 7.30pm Tuesday 22nd September.”

I was just going to say “but I'm here for a very important Golf match” when this bus pulled up with
WOLVERHAMPTON CENTRAL on the front. This Irish voice said, all aboard for the Black Country. Well I couldn't turn that down so off we went,
cutting a long story short, we got there at 7.30 and went inside the North Bank then these 4 very bright lights came on like a vision from above.

Well we waited there for near on 2 hours and sang along with the choir, then this voice from above said “ wait outside and the Angel Leigh will take you back to Scotland.

Well here we are. Sounds like a bit of a tall excuse but it really happened. Pepsi “ I told you to hide that scarf and programme.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 5:58 pm

Did the Angel Leigh get dropped off at Easter Road en route? Please say yes!

Guinness is off, 9. Wolfie and the four shining lights arsed the lot. I'll try and get my Latvian buddy, (who's only got one testicle) Ivor Knackerov, to see if his good friend Mick McCarthy can ship some barrels over from Dublin. Apparently Mick is on business there..., feck knows why.

Update on Khantsee....., he's blind......, and Johnny Screwfix-Direct was caught doing indecent things with a Hep20 inch and half basin trap in the warehouse. So.... I'm stuck on what to do about lightage.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Oct 23, 2013 8:46 pm

marko69 wrote:Did the Angel Leigh get dropped off at Easter Road en route? Please say yes!

Guinness is off, 9. Wolfie and the four shining lights arsed the lot. I'll try and get my Latvian buddy, (who's only got one testicle) Ivor Knackerov, to see if his good friend Mick McCarthy can ship some barrels over from Dublin. Apparently Mick is on business there..., feck knows why.

Update on Khantsee....., he's blind......, and Johnny Screwfix-Direct was caught doing indecent things with a Hep20 inch and half basin trap in the warehouse. So.... I'm stuck on what to do about lightage.
Well our Spike came up with some dodgy excuse for not making it, he said he was driving up to the St Andrews back gate and this lamp post fell on his van,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Oct 23, 2013 8:55 pm

well we are in luck mate, Spike has gone global.

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Tournament Packages are available based on specified number of players as well as purchasing in Bulk quantities. We offer the expertise to customize any night golf event for you. Give Spike a Call TODAY at 866-417-6435 or 800-441-7354 to see how we can offer you one-stop shopping with the largest assortment of products available in the market today.

PS.Angel Leigh didn't actually mention Easter Road, but he did say he came down from a higher place so that wouldn't be the Mol.,our ground is in a hole.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:13 pm

What a day Spike has had, and what a lad. If a lamp post fell on my van, I'd just go home and moan my face off...... Spike opens a global company! When mick arrives with the Guinness, spike is first pint. I'll get the barman to do some balls on his head. The head of his pint that is.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:20 pm

Image

yeah, this Spike is a legend, look he has even produced them in our own colours.

do you think this match will ever take place, Pepsi has been standing there with his lead in his mouth, wagging his tail for hours..

don't shout walkies whatever you do.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:30 pm

I won't shout "walkies"...... But I may shout, "Hey W4nkers, move it!"....., those guys out there on the first tee are just standing about talking. I'll keep watch from this window, Wolfie... , I'll have another Carling if you are heading to the bar. Put it on Frostys tab.

Oh and before I forget...... Can I be the green glow balls?

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:43 pm

marko69 wrote:I won't shout "walkies"...... But I may shout, "Hey W4nkers, move it!"....., those guys out there on the first tee are just standing about talking. I'll keep watch from this window, Wolfie... , I'll have another Carling if you are heading to the bar. Put it on Frostys tab.

Oh and before I forget...... Can I be the green glow balls?
the green glow balls are all yours Sir. I think there talking about us Marco. also pepsi's joke of filling in the hole on that green might be there problem.

see that bloke sitting in the corner over there with 2 pints of Guinness, I said to the landlord what's that all about. he said that bloke has been coming in here for years, he used to buy 3 pints at a time, after a couple of weeks I asked him why the 3 pints at a time.
he told me this story how his 2 brothers moved to Oz from Dublin and they swore they'd all buy 3 pints a day and it will seem there still here,
anyway a couple of weeks ago he came in and only ordered 2 pints, I said to him sorry I guess you've lost one of your brothers, he replied, no I went to the docs today and he told me I had to give up drinking. :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:54 pm

Bad news Marco, I went into that Pizza shop next door, and got banned.

There was a big sign posted. “No notes larger than £20 will be accepted.”
I remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a note larger than £20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:56 pm

I went to the doctor today because my hands wouldn't stop shaking. He asked, do you drink much? I said no actually, I spill most of it.

Number 9

Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Number 9 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:00 am

I'll have another Guinness please? I'm not sure about all this glow ball and flood lights talk. Sounds like underground porn to me. It won't be long before Frost pipes in with a sheep tale. Oh sorry, am I being sheepish?...hic hic.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by Frosty » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:19 am

Well .... finally arrived in Bali.

As a word of warning, make sure you securely close your talcum powder when travelling as white dust over all your luggage means yet another discussion with airport security. Probably wasn't helped by the fact I had just eaten a couple of Marshmellows which left dusty Icing sugar all over my mouth and nose.

Anyway grabbed a taxi and went straight to 'Saint Andy's Go Go Bar' ..... I couldn't actually see where the golf course was but it was getting dark. Where are you all?

Anyway spent the night chatting up this beautiful chick who went by the name of Roger.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:53 am

These scampi fries are terrible, pork scratchings aren't much better....., hope you saved some dusty icing sugar marshmallows, Frosty. I've got fat Luciano bringing up some deep fried Mars Bars from Edinburgh to tide us over til you get here. That chick named Roger......, was she a cheerleader on Dons preview last week by any chance? And while you are there in Bali, (that area of the globe) put some feelers out for Oor Maze....., we miss her.

Just been kicked in the green glow balls by minsh......, she wants to know who the fk Maze is. I'll need another pint til the pain subsides. Sorry chaps.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:27 pm

Marco. reading between the lines do you get the impression Mr Frosty thinks St Andrews Golf course is in Bali or have I read it wrong.
that would be one big wage for the taxi driver Balli Airport to St Andrews please driver.. thank you sir that will be £56.000 + tip. :lol:

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:45 pm

:D I dont know mate....., but I tell you what...... Bali - St Andrews..... That's a hell of a long way to sit after being rogered by Roger.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:29 pm

Right we have the go ahead from the mikey the Mol catcher, we have to be at the back gate when he flashes his torch three times,
(Frosty please note he said his torch ok )...

marco, you just missed it all go off in the the bar.

There was this guy at the bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:19 pm

AW FFS! I miss all the good stuff......., I was through in the lounge getting my balls rubbed better by big Diane. But then I had to go back in there and get a Terry Butcher style bandage on ma napper. I went out to see if Mikey the Mol catcher was there at the back gate but stood on a bunker rake and it whacked me a dull one. This golf trip is turning into a nightmare.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:31 pm

marko69 wrote:AW FFS! I miss all the good stuff......., I was through in the lounge getting my balls rubbed better by big Diane. But then I had to go back in there and get a Terry Butcher style bandage on ma napper. I went out to see if Mikey the Mol catcher was there at the back gate but stood on a bunker rake and it whacked me a dull one. This golf trip is turning into a nightmare.

well I guessed it was never going to be easy.

got to be honest ,I sneaked out there early and had a couple of practice holes. the golf pro came over and said he could help me with my golf with a good tip. he said I was standing to close to the ball. I said you mean I have to stand back a bit on the swing, he said no your standing to close to the ball every time you hit it, try hitting it a bit further :lol: :lol: :lol:
Last edited by goldandblack on Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:43 pm

Marco. I think i'm in the dog house. I set up the chimps and all whites predictions, read em out and they predict. so hero here posts all our predictions and put there ones the wrong way round :shock: think another pint or 2 are needed.,

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:56 pm

there's those flashing lights.shall we start and hope the other 2 turn up

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by marko69 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:00 pm

goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:AW FFS! I miss all the good stuff......., I was through in the lounge getting my balls rubbed better by big Diane. But then I had to go back in there and get a Terry Butcher style bandage on ma napper. I went out to see if Mikey the Mol catcher was there at the back gate but stood on a bunker rake and it whacked me a dull one. This golf trip is turning into a nightmare.

well I guessed it as never going to be easy.

got to be honest ,I sneaked out there early and had a couple of practice holes. the golf pro came over and said he could help me with my golf with a good tip. he said I was standing to close to the ball. I said you mean I have to stand back a bit on the swing, he said no your standing to close to the ball every time you hit it, try hitting it a bit further :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: The only one happy in this is Pepsi......, he is in for a easy round!

Just bumped into the local St Andrews Priest there, He asked me how the golf was going, told him we hadn't started yet, but I did ask him if he could hear my confession. Told him I had cursed out on the course. He asked me when this occurred. I said I hit a slice shot....., he said, "Did you curse then?" Told him no, then said I hit my second into a bunker..., "Did you curse then?" Told him no, then said I chipped over the green into rough,..., "Did you curse then?" Told him No, then I chipped it nicely onto the green, two feet from the hole, ....., "OH! Did you curse then?" Told him No,..., then he said, "You didn't miss the f**king putt did you?" I think he is off to confession himself now.

I'll have another pint myself Wolfie......., I'm in the doghouse myself for not recording some sh*t I was supposed to last night. Some stupid fking cookery programme......, Sorry Father Vincent!

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Re: MARCO.You up for a game of golf

Post by goldandblack » Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:08 pm

marko69 wrote:
goldandblack wrote:
marko69 wrote:AW FFS! I miss all the good stuff......., I was through in the lounge getting my balls rubbed better by big Diane. But then I had to go back in there and get a Terry Butcher style bandage on ma napper. I went out to see if Mikey the Mol catcher was there at the back gate but stood on a bunker rake and it whacked me a dull one. This golf trip is turning into a nightmare.

well I guessed it as never going to be easy.

got to be honest ,I sneaked out there early and had a couple of practice holes. the golf pro came over and said he could help me with my golf with a good tip. he said I was standing to close to the ball. I said you mean I have to stand back a bit on the swing, he said no your standing to close to the ball every time you hit it, try hitting it a bit further :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: The only one happy in this is Pepsi......, he is in for a easy round!

Just bumped into the local St Andrews Priest there, He asked me how the golf was going, told him we hadn't started yet, but I did ask him if he could hear my confession. Told him I had cursed out on the course. He asked me when this occurred. I said I hit a slice shot....., he said, "Did you curse then?" Told him no, then said I hit my second into a bunker..., "Did you curse then?" Told him no, then said I chipped over the green into rough,..., "Did you curse then?" Told him No, then I chipped it nicely onto the green, two feet from the hole, ....., "OH! Did you curse then?" Told him No,..., then he said, "You didn't miss the f**king putt did you?" I think he is off to confession himself now.

I'll have another pint myself Wolfie......., I'm in the doghouse myself for not recording some sh*t I was supposed to last night. Some stupid fking cookery programme......, Sorry Father Vincent!

lol.. I knew this priest who was told if he played golf on a Sunday he'd get the sack. one sunday he sneaked off to play golf on his own so nobody would know, unknown to him God and St Peter was looking down, St Peter said we need to punish him. God said I will punish him. the priest tee'd off, hit the ball 700 yds straight into the hole for a hole in one, . St Peter said " I thought you were going to punish him" God said " I just did who's he going to tell.

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