Sad news with a long return

[arana peligrosa]

I don't even know where to begin. I couldn't even find a suitable title for this artricle.

Some may have been wondering where this name has been for the last near two and a half years and I can't offer no full explanation at this moment in time. In short, things have been difficult, I got ill, lost about all interest in soccer, I couldn't even name any of the starting line up from todays game, although saw it was a 3 - 2 win at Blackpool.

Earlier today I lost my father after a short illness. It hasn't hit home yet, and now both parents are deceased. There was no suffering, he went quietly, after a very long and eventful life but I've just been trying to keep things together. I think today has just been the culmination of a lot of unfortunate events in recent times. Trying to remain strong, I have no other choice.

Not making excuses about coming back, I've thought about it often, but today just seemed to shock things into action. It's going to be more difficult now than ever but I got to keep the interest I once had in this club, before it disappears completely. Missed out on so much but only to reiterate, things have been difficult since a last visit, I wish not to elaborate on. Today was just the pinnacle of things, and here at least offers some interest or will attempt at to try and get back to how things used to be, but it can never be the same as what many may remember.

Just allow a look around and see what's been going on these pages the last 28 months but I don't think I'll be participating in much right now, only decided to try to get back again, which was a struggle, but I have no real regrets. Only going to take things slowly, I can't even remember half of the names on these pages. I can never be the same as before but will at least endeavor to subsequently participate a little more in future. I don't know what else to say on this issue.

[Frosty]

So sorry to hear about your father buddy, my thoughts are with you.

It doesn't matter if you don't feel like contributing, but I hope you will consider 'logging in' now and then. There are still a lot of laughs to be had on here which I suspect you may well welcome at the moment.

Take Care

Dave

[arana peligrosa]

I'm not really in the mood for humor right now and even then as time passes things can never be as they were before.

I understand you sent me an e-mail at some time in the past and I didn't respond and feel I should apologize. Things have been too difficult since a last visit, today was maybe the worst, but as mentioned will try to participate once again. I have to try and get back the appreciation for this club I once had, no matter how difficult things are going to be.

[The Don]

My deepest sympathies to you at this time manners. No words will help with what you must be feeling, but it's good to see your name back on here. Even if only briefly and sporadically.

[Earl Blue]

Firstly my deepest and heartfelt condolences go out to you and to all your
family and friends..

I lost my mum this time last year and I can understand (to the most part)
of how our lifes are effected by such unfortunate situations as this.

There are lots of feelings that cannot be explained to others but I hope
that being able to make one or two comments about this, football or indeed
your feelings can help in some way help.

My sincere regards

Eddie
(Earl Blue)

[phily bon bon]

Likewise I would like to offer my deepest sympathy and add also that it was good to see your name back . When tragedy strikes there are no words to heal,but maybe some can start the soothing process which will come at your own time and pace.
I dont have the time to contribute as much as i used to or want to but Im here now and again, and thats what counts.
TBs.com is my extended family and will be there when i need them in the good times and certainly in the bad as well.

[arana peligrosa]

appreciate the words of sympathy, but it still hasn't hit home yet. Been a few tears but holding back the worst of it, but I think I mentioned he went peacefully and there was no pain, but it was all very sudden, and I wish I could of been there for him or had some idea of what was to occur or even say a proper goodbye and never had that opportunity, and that's what's eating away the most. I still can't take it in, and to lose both parents now hurts more than anyone could imagine, but not being selfish, it happens to us all, but trying to keep strong during this difficult time.

I want also it made aware to never refer to this name as 'manners' again. That participant is a thing of the past and there's been more changes been underway than anyone could envisage. It's strange to be participating once again even it may be short lived. I mentioned before I've lost about as much interest in the game in recent years due to unfortunate circumstances that anyone could imagine, and just about completely divorced myself from this club as a part of it. I got to try and get some interest back if nothing else, no matter how slow a process it may take.

[marko69]

There are two people in my lounge watching an entire afternoon of "Friends" and I've heard Janice once (or eight) times too many and ...... OH... MY .... GOD...... It's MANNINGTREE??? Can't quite believe it to be honest. And while I'm being 100% honest here......, I have to say, I thought you had died. I personally had come to that conclusion......, July 4th 2011, was the last post and then nothing. Your absence had been noted on several occasions by many different forum members. A few theories had went back and forth too. But, got to say, its very good to see you posting again..... And I hope medical issues have gotten better with time.

Proceed with rubber duck bath time musings on any subject at all. Good to see you back, manningtree.

[arana peligrosa]

There are two people in my lounge watching an entire afternoon of "Friends" and I've heard Janice once (or eight) times too many and ...... OH... MY .... GOD...... It's MANNINGTREE??? Can't quite believe it to be honest. And while I'm being 100% honest here......, I have to say, I thought you had died. I personally had come to that conclusion......, July 4th 2011, was the last post and then nothing. Your absence had been noted on several occasions by many different forum members. A few theories had went back and forth too. But, got to say, its very good to see you posting again..... And I hope medical issues have gotten better with time.

Proceed with rubber duck bath time musings on any subject at all. Good to see you back, manningtree.

In actual fact I nearly did on one or two occasions, but being absent was just down to a number of factors. I'm not sure what medical issues you allude to. Understand also there will be no humor as from before, I said it once before this isn't the same participant you once recognized. They're having to do a coroners report on my father and try to determine what time death was established, it still hasn't hit home yet the full force of things. Would of been two nights ago now, and I still haven't accepted it. Going to hit he hard sooner or later when you realize exactly the circumstances you have to once again stand up to.

[marko69]

Genuinely hope all becomes clearer for you, Manningtree. And whether you are the same individual or not, it's good to see you back posting.

[arana peligrosa]

I just typed a long reply, lo and behold went to submit, and was told to log-in and subsequently lost all my work. There's a save function available, but never had to use it. Other forums I have used use auto-save as you go along, that save as you type but it's not the most important difficulty right now.

I tried to say - and keeping it short this time - I had an opportunity to look around the pages in recent weeks and it's simply not as I recall it. Some past names that no longer participate, and take it whichever way you want, a lot of general humor and fooling around, that I couldn't be further detached from. I wish in a sense it could be four or five years ago on these pages as I vaguely remember it, but the fun element has gone (from this name) and not the best of company anymore. I remember one or two names having depression difficulties from previous visits and maybe it would be an idea to talk with them as I've been through a lot of sh*t in recent times and have a lot of emotional scars. I think people look at the name and automatically expect some humor or fooling around but they couldn't appreciate the changes. There's still names on the pages that you can recognize but I can't seem to get into the feel of things once more. I wish things were different - in more ways than one - as in a sense I miss the old characteristics and laughs with some other old names but It's something that would prove a great difficulty getting back into. You see names having fun and general laughter and you feel almost jealous in a sense, or something you wish you could return to. Was coming back the right thing to do ? At the time I made an almost desperate decision, forced into some kind of action.

I don't regret it though. Got a lot of emotional issues to battle, but would still appreciate talking with participants on these pages, old and new. Until then, stay safe.

[marko69]

If you type out a huge post,..... When you are done, just do "copy"..... Then when you submit, if it takes you to a log in screen, log in, then the blank message screen appears..... Just do "paste". I do that all the time as most of my posts are done by phone, and I'm losing connection all the time. But like you say, other sites do indeed save the words you've written.

Hope you manage to get just a little bit more control on your emotions and maybe find a glimmer of happiness in the months ahead..... It'll no doubt take a bit of time. I would normally say, in the meantime, come on here and speak with the wonderful people, but they could all easily be axe wielding psycho headcases for all I know......, but their words tell me they are mostly decent people (for being English) ** add a smiley ffs, ** ..... And if your wit should return, pretty certain it'll be appreciated by all.

Until then, I'm pretty sure everyone appreciates that you are just back, and posting.

[vaalae]

Very sorry for your loss Manningtree, it's good to see you back on here - I hope we can help out in some meaningful way.

Words are of little comfort at a time like this - but you should know that you were missed on here, and you are in our thoughts now.

[arana peligrosa]

Very sorry for your loss Manningtree, it's good to see you back on here - I hope we can help out in some meaningful way.

Words are of little comfort at a time like this - but you should know that you were missed on here, and you are in our thoughts now.

Lo and behold I typed out a long and comprehensive reply, went to "save post" function, then was told to log-in and lost all my f**king work again. I thought it would be safe enough, rather than a mere copy and paste as a previous participant suggested.

Tried to say - thank you again for all words of condolence. Things are difficult, I often cry, albeit briefly, have arranged counselling again in a short time, been to church a few times recently - not a religious person, just trying to find answers - often feel depressed and isolated, but have been in touch with others who have experienced losses and hurt to gain an insight to how other people cope with their grief. With that there is sometimes only one alternative, but that's not an area to explore at this time. Also said to those that have surviving parents - make sure you let them know regularly that you care and tell them that you love them, because there comes this time - an awful f**king time - when something terrible occurs, as I recently experienced once again. Living with regret or a feeling of responsibility is a massive challenge that can eat away at you and become a serious issue, so to those fortunate enough to see their parents regularly, sit them down and talk and take the time to appreciate - because there will come a time when it may be all a little too late.

Having a void in your life or a feeling of emptiness is an awful f**king experience and feeling, made even worse when you know you could of done things better or made a difference - I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I thank again those that offered words of encouragement.

(copy and pasted)

[Number 9]

I'm probably one of the forum members you don't recognize, manningtree. I just wanted to let you know I'm all too familiar with depression, no matter the cause or reason. Depression is rampant on both sides of the family, and I've spent the past two years attempting to pull my youngest daughter out of a very dark place. She's doing much better now, but it's been hell. If there's anything I can say or do to help you...please message me and let me know. I noticed you reside in Chicago, I actually have English relatives who have relatives who live in that area. I'm not sure what your ties to Ipswich are, but I'd be interested to find out. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I understand...to a degree. Life can be extremely difficult at times.

[arana peligrosa]

I'm probably one of the forum members you don't recognize, manningtree. I just wanted to let you know I'm all too familiar with depression, no matter the cause or reason. Depression is rampant on both sides of the family, and I've spent the past two years attempting to pull my youngest daughter out of a very dark place. She's doing much better now, but it's been hell. If there's anything I can say or do to help you...please message me and let me know. I noticed you reside in Chicago, I actually have English relatives who have relatives who live in that area. I'm not sure what your ties to Ipswich are, but I'd be interested to find out. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I understand...to a degree. Life can be extremely difficult at times.

No, it's not a name to recognize. Maybe you registered after this name left two or three years back. Should of paid more attention before replying, but in any event always appreciate any words of condolence at this difficult time. I've suffered depression for a good many years now and needless to say, there's no improvement as of now. Been a Town follower since the 1970s, but have lost significant interest in soccer the last few years, this club with it. I try to get the enthusiasm back I once had but it's often difficult.

As you mentioned, life can be difficult, and I've had my f**king limit of it up to this point, but realize people endure personal issues at some stage or another. This time last week my father would still be alive, and I wish so much I could of gone back to that and made a call and tell him I loved him and now it's too late and I'm only going to get upset going any further with this. Coroner report read heart failure, but there wasn't any pain and it was all very sudden, but he still went before his time. One of the very best parents anyone could wish for and I never appreciated him enough or kept in touch, and sometimes I beat myself up over it I'm finding now. Living with regret is always a struggle, especially in an example of this magnitude. Appreciate again all words of support.

[Number 9]

I'm changing the subject a bit, but my goodness...tornadoes in November! I'm assuming you're okay manningtree? How close were they?

[arana peligrosa]

I'm changing the subject a bit, but my goodness...tornadoes in November! I'm assuming you're okay manningtree? How close were they?

No I'm not 'okay' so to speak, and the worst affected areas were in the southern state nearer Kentucky and Missouri but it's nothing compared to what the people of the Philippines are enduring right now. You don't have to change any subject, I can't switch off as easy as that. Things have improved maybe by a very small margin but am still in shock from last weeks events. Still have been unable to let things out but it's the acceptance thing as mentinoned before. When the realization hits home, that will be the hardest part. I should apologize for all this and feel selfish to an extent as everyone loses someone, sometime, but he was the closest thing I had left as immediate family and only trying to come to terms with everything. I do look through the miscellaneous index now and again but couldn't find much to respond to. Seems a lot of humor threads and it's not something I can participate in now.

[Ohiotractorboy]

Just saw this thread, sorry for your loss.

[arana peligrosa]

Just saw this thread, sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Appreciate it.

The funeral arrangements have been all but finalized. Will take place later next week. Going to be tough but it'll be a final goodbye. Just trying to get things organized as well as keeping things together. I recently registered with a loss / suicide forum and while most people are genuine, I took umbrage that one or two individuals wrote in with personal issues such as regarding a boyfriend leaving or not happy with their appearance. I don't know, it just seemed all a bit trivial from a certain perspective. Saying that, I used to take things for granted or find issue with the most trivial things but didn't think it was the place for it. Whatever was said, I simply haven't been thinking straight the last few weeks and feel mentally strained often enough.

On a side note, and what I hope will be a lighter mood, it appears a number of participants that were regular features on these pages I.E. VictaLawnMower, Helen83, Crazy, Maisie, Hatch, ShedOnTour etc, from times before are few and far between now and they were decent members and not only that, but there isn't the same level of activity as what I could once remember. Things used to be quite frantic on these pages and that level of activity seems no more. From what I have seen the last week, I miss old times on these pages, and in more ways than one. I will endeavor to get back to things another time.

[arana peligrosa]

Attended the funeral yesterday to say 'a final goodbye' which I still can't often comprehend. Went through most emotions of a lifetime in the experience of one day but at least there was a decent turn out and people were supportive enough. I still often can't think straight or just feel f**king nothing, as I haven't really realized the magnitude of the loss. I try to get involved in things but the heart is never really in it. Would still be alive three weeks ago now and beat myself up with wishes and regrets when you know there's not a f**king thing you can do to aid or salvage the situation.

[Charnwood]

I lost both my parents when I was quite young Manningtree, and still miss them dearly 30 years on.

It will get better for you but you have to stay positive and look to the future, not in the past.

You can never change the past, but you can influence the future both for yourself and for other around you.

As for your father, remember all the good times you had and the times when he will know how much you loved him, just hang onto all those good memories that no-one will ever be able to takeaway from you.

The Living Years, by Mike and the Mechanics will probably sum up how you feel. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gUdiQWxps5 ... UdiQWxps5E

I promise mate. It will get better.

[Ohiotractorboy]

10 years since my pop died. Still miss him, but life goes on. It does get easier.

Plus, all the strange things around the house after he died showed he was still around.

[helen83]

Just saw this thread, sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Appreciate it.

The funeral arrangements have been all but finalized. Will take place later next week. Going to be tough but it'll be a final goodbye. Just trying to get things organized as well as keeping things together. I recently registered with a loss / suicide forum and while most people are genuine, I took umbrage that one or two individuals wrote in with personal issues such as regarding a boyfriend leaving or not happy with their appearance. I don't know, it just seemed all a bit trivial from a certain perspective. Saying that, I used to take things for granted or find issue with the most trivial things but didn't think it was the place for it. Whatever was said, I simply haven't been thinking straight the last few weeks and feel mentally strained often enough.

On a side note, and what I hope will be a lighter mood, it appears a number of participants that were regular features on these pages I.E. VictaLawnMower, Helen83, Crazy, Maisie, Hatch, ShedOnTour etc, from times before are few and far between now and they were decent members and not only that, but there isn't the same level of activity as what I could once remember. Things used to be quite frantic on these pages and that level of activity seems no more. From what I have seen the last week, I miss old times on these pages, and in more ways than one. I will endeavor to get back to things another time.

I still pop in from time to time to see what's going on, but never really feel like I have much to contribute at the moment. Sorry to hear that you've been going through a tough time and are coming to terms with a terrible loss. Hopefully visiting some old haunts (such as this forum) can help you to gather some strength to face the times ahead as you adjust and cope with whatever life has thrown at you. Sometimes events can throw us so off course that we kind of forget who we are, or who we can be on a good day. There's no harm in being reminded. Sending good wishes your way Manners. x

[arana peligrosa]

There will always be names that you can recognize no matter the circumstances.

Said it before and say it again, the feeling's gone from what I once remember on these pages, and it's not just down to recent events. It's difficult for instance participating in the general soccer index with club team affairs as I've lost so much interest in the game the last few years. I couldn't even name beyond two or three players from the present team line-up, which sounds an embarrassing admission from a certain perspective, but that's how much things have fallen away since before. It's usually a look around this here miscellaneous index and other non-soccer related areas, and find I'm now out of my depth with any talk of Ipswich Town Football Club present day and players. Yes it's a shame but that's about the size of it.

I appreciate once again all words of sympathy at a difficult time and hope to participate some more at any given time. But please allow some leeway on actual team affairs for a considerable time as I've fallen so far behind things and become almost ignorant to this clubs endeavors for so long now.

[Ohiotractorboy]

There will always be names that you can recognize no matter the circumstances.

Said it before and say it again, the feeling's gone from what I once remember on these pages, and it's not just down to recent events. It's difficult for instance participating in the general soccer index with club team affairs as I've lost so much interest in the game the last few years. I couldn't even name beyond two or three players from the present team line-up, which sounds an embarrassing admission from a certain perspective, but that's how much things have fallen away since before. It's usually a look around this here miscellaneous index and other non-soccer related areas, and find I'm now out of my depth with any talk of Ipswich Town Football Club present day and players. Yes it's a shame but that's about the size of it.

I appreciate once again all words of sympathy at a difficult time and hope to participate some more at any given time. But please allow some leeway on actual team affairs for a considerable time as I've fallen so far behind things and become almost ignorant to this clubs endeavors for so long now.

Being over here in the states, it does take some effort to keep up on the club. These forums are a good way to keep up with the fans' perspective, but I have to go to TWTD and ITFC for the news. In short, I understand what you are saying and if you dont feel like doing all that right now it is understandable.